And the answer is...
As I mentioned in my rather lengthy (SURPRISE!) post about all the junk that's been going on in our lives, the night of September 18th my wife, Jennifer, who was pregnant (a secret I had been keeping, publicly, until Sunday), started to have some bleeding that got worse and worse over the course of a few days. After some testing last week and more testing today, her OBGYN has given us the bad news. Definitely a miscarriage.
Now...how do I feel?
About the same as I did before, maybe a bit worse. I've held on to some lingering idea that MAYBE this was just some spot bleeding and nothing more, but I kind of figured, as Jen did, that it was more than just that. The idea of it really has been bothering me a lot, I've been depressed over it, and still am, probably more today than before because of the 'finality' of the answer. But now that I know for sure I can start the acceptance/healing part of it and move on.
How does Jen feel? She's OK, because she, more than I, really believed that it was already a miscarriage. Somehow, you chicks, you just KNOW this stuff. It stupefies me sometimes with how much more you are in tune with your bodies than men are with theirs or yours. Well, we are in tune with some of your body PARTS, but that's cause WE'RE DUDES. Yes, we like boobies and butts and stuff...it is what it is.
But emotionally she is OK, she also was pretty sad about it, but she dealt with that sadness and went right into her 'my body did what was best for everybody' thing that women are so good at. Did I mention that you women are also so much tougher than men emotionally when it comes to this kind of thing? So much better at getting to the emotional center of a situation?
I asked her if she felt like she wanted to actually get pregnant ON PURPOSE now...now that we know for sure this baby was lost. I asked her if she wanted to TRY to have another child.
Jury is still out. She doesn't know how she feels about that, but I just said take some time, think it over, if it's something you want to do, I'm open to it.
So anyway, that's the news, such as it is. Confirmation of what we already suspected, but at least now we know for sure.