Wednesday, November 24, 2010

We Interrupt the Regularly Scheduled Event of Me Lying Out of My Ass For This Special News Bulletin


OK, I'm not REALLY lying, in the technical sense, in that I actually AM thankful for all the things I have said up to this point. And it has felt VERY good to write about these things. But timing is everything, and I gotta be honest...in many ways, I am simply not FEELING it as much as I might be indicating.

There are a few reasons really.

Several black clouds hang overhead.

The Bennett cloud is always there, as we desperately try to make any headway we can in trying to communicate with him. It's hard...damn hard, and frankly I crunch on Tylenol like they are Sweet-Tarts.

I get headaches a lot. And there are other issues, looming, of all kinds. Economical, medically terminal, relational, and on and on.

There are days when you sometimes just don't want to get out of bed. But you do anyway...because you love the ones you're with. Period.

And when one of them suffers, you suffer. When another suffers, you suffer even more.

Case in point? My other son, Carter.

He and Jennifer are on their way to the Emergency Room as I type this (to F---ING Nationwide F---ING Children's F---ING Hospital). His medical issues are worsening, and I am now, officially, starting to become very, very worried about them. It started as a Strep Infection on October 30th. Apparently it has turned into Glomerulonephritis, and while this often resolves itself, especially in children, Carter's...hasn't.

He's had blood in his urine for a couple of weeks. Fatigue. Enlarged glands. Puffiness. Intermittent fevers. It's viral, so there hasn't been much we could do except to monitor him closely, and keep him fed, hydrated, rested and healthy as we could. (CORRECTION ADDED 11/25/10 at 12:50PM: It is not viral, as my nurse wife has reminded me. It is still bacterial, but it is some kind of secondary inflammation of the kidney that has no real cure or actual treatment. It either resolves itself over time...or it doesn't. You can only manage the symptoms. I have much more to say on this later.)

His blood pressure has continued to rise, though, and as of this evening it exceeded the number the doc gave me, and clocked in at around 136/86. I've done all the reading one does in a situation like this, and as you know, it consumes a parent.

But I'm not sure I can handle this. I can't handle two kids going down dark paths, can I? I've seen other people do it, guys like SingleDad, but he's made of far stronger grit than I. So all I can do is sit here and hope that somehow this turns out to be nothing in the long run and that Carter's Glomerulonephritis does not become something worse. Hell, I don't even know for sure if I UNDERSTAND exactly what it is that he has.

I'm probably over-reacting. It's probably just fatigue and stress taking control of me.

Tomorrow, I'll get up and go back to the List as if nothing has happened, though I will pepper in an update if I know anything at all. But I have to be honest, to myself and to the people that read this...it is SO hard to look for the good sometimes in a world that constantly dishes out platefuls of shit not just to me, but to SO many good people I know.

Not impossible....I'm not saying that.

Just very, very hard sometimes.

OUT.

10 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry. That truly sucks. I will pray for him, and your whole family. I'm sure that even if you are overreacting, that it makes sense to do so in a situation where you are used to having one child who makes life really interesting (and challenging) and that the thought of having two is very very scary. I know I would do the same.

    Not the way you want to spend Thanksgiving. Hoping there are answers very soon.

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  2. Damn...I just googled that and although I would imagine that he will do ok with this, I can see why you are scared. Whenever there is a possibility of something bad happening with our kids, it is terrifying because we know that the really bad things can happen. To us. It sounds like you guys are on top of things with Carter, which is good. I'm really sorry that this is happening and I hope that you get some good news soon. Also, I hope the little guy isn't too uncomfortable.
    I'll be thinking of you and your family.

    Karen

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  3. Actually, his blood pressure was just taken at the hospital and it was 142/92. Damn.

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  4. You're a heck of a lot stronger than you think. Carter is in our thoughts and prayers ... keep us informed.

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  5. I'm with Single Dad,you are far stronger than you believe but tonight I'll allow you to be self deprecating,fear does that sometimes, and we,who have come to love you all, in your little corner of the world, will be the pillars,hold you up with mighty prayers, to see Carter and you,through this scary time.

    Will be checking back for updates ...

    Love the picture by the way!

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  6. Anything that requires an ER trip is worth overreacting. Especially after dealing with what life has already thrown at you.

    I'll be thinking about you guys and praying that Carter comes home soon.

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  7. Oh shit. That is not good. Hoping he's all better before you know it.

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  8. Ken,
    Our family is keeping your family in our prayers. I know it's hard, but try and keep your chin up. You have been chosen to be the father to these two precious little guys.

    Take care,
    Sherree

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  9. My thoughts and prayers are with you all Ken

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  10. LOVE LOVE LOVE the family pic!!! Sure hope Carter is hanging in there. Your plate surely overfloweth today. Thinking of you and the family.

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