Thursday, April 19, 2012
As I was driving Bennett to school this morning, I started to turn the Lillymobile off of Interstate 71 to take 270 toward my Psychiatrist's office. He's a great doc, as I have mentioned before, and he stacks my appointment with Bennett's now, so I told Bennett we were going to see Daddy’s Doctor because he seemed nervous.
Told him not to worry, we went there before, it was OK then, remember, and all that. It was for Daddy, not Bennett. Last time I did that it calmed him down a lot.
Not this time.
He freaked. He early choked himself on the seatbelt trying to get out of the carseat. I was petrified he might actually try to get out of the car itself. Now I have to start trying to figure out how to have him more forcefully restrained in the car AND have the doors more secured from the inside. I don't know how at this point, but at least for today, for the ride how tonight, I will have to rig something until I can find something that is 'official'.
I don't know what I would have done had he actually opened the door while the car was moving. He'd never acted this way before in his carseat, but then again, predicting his behavior of late has been impossible.
The entire way to the doctor's office from that point on he was crying and whimpering. When we got there he would not allow me to get him out of the car. When I tried to pick him up he screamed like I was killing him, squirmed and wriggled and ripped the hell out of a back and torso that is already in agonizing pain and then as icing on the cake he headbutted me and gave me a nice nosebleed.
I was so afraid I might drop him, and knew that I could never hold on to him by the hand without him pulling away and possibly running out in front of a moving car in the parking garage that I had no choice but to place him back in the car.
He wouldn’t let me near him after that. When I approached he would scurry to the floor or try to scramble over to the front seats. Plus he would also try to eat stuff off the floor that I have been meaning to vacuum up, stuff that he has been dropping over the past SEVERAL WEEKS.
Called the Doc’s office and told them I was outside and that I doubted I was going to be able to get him into the building. But like I said, my Doctor is like, Doctor Who, he's THAT cool, and he just said wait there and he came out to the car eventually for a quick consult. He is going to investigate a couple of medications for Bennett and get back to me.
I'm skeptical, but then again I am always skeptical. About everything. But especially when it comes to these fucking disabilities and our inability to navigate their intricacies. Maybe I just don't have as much hope as I had even a few weeks ago. It ebbs and it flows. And right now it ain't flowing.
I'm very tired.
Took a while for Bennett to allow me to get him back IN the carseat, and he cried the whole way to school, even when I tried to assure him we were going to school. Maybe he didn't believe me, I don't know. I didn't lie to him before. Have no idea why he is upset about going places. He didn't use to be.
He has an appointment tomorrow with his pediatrician. I doubt I will be able to get Bennett into her office alone. And even WITH help? It's going to be a nightmare.
This is not an isolated incident either. Been happening more and more. When Jen took him into Carter's Day Care a while back, just to pick Carter up, Bennett went ballistic as well, scratching up her arms, biting himself, going wildly out of control. It was unreal.
There is very little chance of us attempting any 'familial style outings' any time soon I reckon.
Now I suppose I should count my blessings. At least Bennett understood me, when I said we were going to see Daddy's doctor, as we turned off of the road where we would normally be going to his school. This should make me happy, right? I should be grateful for this, yeah? Because, after all, it could be so much worse, yeah?