How Easily the Scales Tip
The scale tips so easily this week.
So I exit my upstairs home office and go downstairs, swing by the wife's home office on my way to the basement to put the finishing touches on a box being shipped to Asia this afternoon and to take some photos of a piece we're working on. She gives me The Report.
This is when she tells me what she has learned, via telephone, about how Bennett's day is going at his grandparents house, where he stays all day since we had to pull him from Day Care.
The Report today is that Bennett is having a terrible day. He is, for some reason, crying a lot. Tears down the face crying. Needs constant comforting, something is clearly wrong. They aren't sure why. For the first time in the entire history of his disorder...he started crying during a pretty monstrous seizure set that happened late in the morning.
Face got hot, ears got hot. Started to feel dizzy, couldn't breathe. Heart beating itself out of my chest. Eyes darting. Knees buckling. Trapped. Felt like I was about to die. Well...poop. The physical manifestations of my raging anxiety beat me right at that moment. Sat down on the floor, asked Jen to take my blood pressure. 148 over 98. This on my new full dose of BP meds, which have taken me back down to a decent range, when I am not having the attacks. In fact last night I was actually LOW for me. In the upper 70's, low 80's.
So that's it. From here on out the rest of the day has been hard. Damn hard. I took my special pills way earlier than I normally allow myself to stop the attack, but now I have a case of the grogs.
This sucks BALLS man. It really does. It's bad enough to have a sick kid, but it's TOTAL horseshit to have a condition yourself that physically turns you into a walking liability at any given moment. I'm PISSED at that. Always have been.
Oh well, looks like I need to find a Happy Nugget right now. Hmmm...lemme see.
Nope. Got nuthin'.