Thursday, August 13, 2009

And Now...The Apology


Yesterday's post was just negative with no real point. I don't mind the negative, or being an ass, or expressing dark thoughts, but I want to have a point to it when I go down that road. Yesterday's blog was a bitch-fest. Nothing more. It lacked anything substantive.

Thanks for your comments though, a lot of 'em really stuck with me, picked me up. Took me to some places mentally I needed to go. Many thanks for that, as always, you special, special people.

I'll endeavor to, on future posts, if I have to get dark, disgusting and foul and express those things, have something tangible to actually lead into. I think that's important. Life lesson stuff. In other words, it's OK to vent, it's OK to whine, it's OK to bitch, but not just for the sake of it. Try to absorb some element of wisdom you didn't have the day before.

And if I can't find that place? I'll write about something else. This isn't really a promise to you...it's a promise to me. Because things are gonna get worse before they get better and I owe it to myself to, if I plan to crawl through a river of shit, to come out clean on the other side.


OUT...

11 comments:

  1. I think it's OK to say what you said. I should probably encourage you not to go over to the dark side. But you are human not Jedi and that means you get to live through all emotions. So some days are uglier than others. It's not easy ken. If letting the dark side public helps you channel your lighter side when your family needs to see that from you then go ahead and harness it. But if all the wallowing is reinforcing and making you feel worse then quit it.

    I'm off to wallow in the shit stream for a few hours. Hope it's good for the skin.

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  2. Maybe the whole point of yesterday's b-fest was just that. Detoxing. And being okay with that alone. Cause sometimes there isn't any life lesson nuggets to find until you release the ick. Not that I'm an expert. Although my mom is trying to coax me into a nice colon cleanse...

    And if it makes you feel better...apology accepted. ;)

    ...danielle

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  3. Dude, this is Blogzilly, meaning that it is your show.

    I wasn't here yesterday, my computer got messed up and they store I like to take it to is on vacation time, so I'm left with my brother's laptop, and let me tell you: I'm so not a laptop person, give me a bulky desktop any day.

    The fact of the matter is, that I missed your big birthday. And on a negative thing to write, but on a positive thing to say: At least you could celebrate this birthday, because all parties involved are still living and together. After something like this, many don't make it so long, and several families break apart.

    I know this might be cold comfort every time you see Bennett having a seizure, but it's a positive thing. You guys survived the first six months and there will be surgery soon, and hopefully six months after that things will have changed radically for the better.

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  4. Never an apology needed from you...Only if it makes YOU feel better...

    As I said of yesterday's post, you say things I feel.....It makes ME feel more "normal"....(Yeah, right...None of us on here even know what that means anymore, do we???)

    And for the record, I have a bitchfest or pity party pretty regularly...Especially since I started going through menopause! (So watch out!)

    Cyndi

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  5. no need to apologize dude...we all get negative at some time or another...and comparing yourself to others just makes it worse...I mean, look at my lovely blog of dark thoughts just cause I'm lonely or bored or my girlfriend took off or some junk...how much of an asshole am I when you are dealing with way way worse shit? But it doesn't matter. People have feelings. We need to get them out sometimes. Even if there is no other point, at least it's there on the page and not eating at your soul any more (hopefully). So vent, my friend, and be unapologetic about it. And be happy, because at least your whining is well written and compelling! :)

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  6. Everyone else already said it well, but like I was going to write yesterday and got sidetracked, this is your blog. You should talk about how you feel. In the shitstorm that is IS there is no need to worry about comparisons. We are all facing a monster, whether it is a new monster or an old one. And 6 months is a long time. I am right with you on that.

    And I love the opening graphic today. Did you make it or did it already exist? Hilarious.

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  7. If we're not supposed to bitch on our OWN blog, then damn I'm in trouble.

    If people don't like it, they don't have to read it. Simple as that. If you can't rant into the void of internet anonymity, then who can you rant to? You've said yourself that you can't really burden your family with this stuff.

    Don't use your readership as an excuse to bottle up. It'll be the absolute worst thing you could do.

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  8. SINEAD:
    I’m OK with what I said, I just felt I needed a point. Just for my own sake. I love Star Wars analogies btw.
    Hope you can get some relief and soon. Your current shit stream makes me want to scream.

    DANIELLE:
    I getcha…that was all I was doing, releasing the ick. I like the analogy of the colon cleanse, cause that’s exactly what yesterday’s was. Of course, now you’ve given me an idea for the photo that will be front and center the next time I do that on my blog.

    TELMO:
    There are lots of positives. I just had a bad day yesterday. Getting some Cancer news about someone in our immediate family did NOT help at all. Added to an otherwise SHITTY year.

    CYNDI:
    I was apologizing more to myself than anyone else, yeah. And you’re right, I don’t think normal is a word any of us relate to anymore. Especially Telmo. :)

    STRYDER WOLFE:
    I actually have an entire blog written, but unpublished, about that very subject. Tragedy comparisons. Maybe one day I’ll put it out there. It isn’t condemning of anybody or anything, I’m just not sure I am satisfied in the point I am trying to make in it.

    LIZ:
    The opening graphic I just found, like most of them. You’d be surprised what you can find ON AN ACTUAL COMPUTER instead of an iPhone. ;) But yeah, I am not REALLY sorry for what I wrote, just need to kick myself in the ass a bit for venting with no positive finish. I need to stay on track some more. Tough times, for us all.

    SUZANNE:
    I ever tell you how much I love reading your blog? I don’t get to it all the time, you and Luke’s, but I do love them. And you guys. Life just sidetracks me these days. I’m more in the world of medical crap than in the world I used to belong to. I probably won’t read your book review one as much, but that one isn’t really deigned for me anyway. I haven’t read a book that didn’t have pictures in YEARS!
    And don’t worry, I will NEVER stay bottled. I will always let it all out as much as I want to. My only thing was wanting yesterday’s rant to wrap up with better focus, that’s all. And the actual WRITING sucked ass. I’m better than that.

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  9. Thanks for the special attention, and you are very right: I'VE NEVER BEEN NORMAL! LOL Growing up, it wasn't a good thing, and it wasn't pretty, a lot of teasing, a lot of bullying, and a lot of labels.

    But now that I'm gown, I love being different. There is nothing more boring that being normal.

    Though this refers to "normal" in general, but if you use the definition on a medical level, than I'm way off the scale, and I'm not only abnormal, I'm a downright alien. If you just knew what's going on with my health at the moment, you'd scream.

    Demonstrate your frustration with bad days at will, just don't bottle them up, that's the real silent killer.

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  10. I'll e thinking about you guys on Tuesday and hoping you get answers to your probably ever growing list of questions. If you need anything, you know where we are.

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  11. I gotta say that i completely laughed out loud with that top picture! I might have to "snag" it and print it off and stick it to my front door or better yet have a t-shirt made out of it. I'll get you one too ok? ha ha Feel free to vent. trust me i agree with so much of what you are saying. I'm trying to get caught up on everybody's blogs, but i'm just not saying much on mine b/c what's the old saying? if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all? soooo, that explains the silence,,,nothing to nice to say. I did a bunch of smily happy people crap posts that i scheduled for when connor and I were going on our beach trip from hell, but for the most part...I've got nothing. We go to see Dr. Neuro tomorrow...dreading it with a passion. I'm sure it's going to be a whole lot of nothing. Anyway, trying to get caught up on your blog (sorry for the rambling)so bear with me!!

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