I say NON-update cause I am just writing in order to be cathartic. Nothing new has gown down.
It was a quiet night in M35. The Ronald McDonald House donated two tickets to the Browns/Titans pre-season football game. I did not have the heart to go, but both grand-Dads went and are still there as of this writing. The grand-Moms went back to their respective hotels and I split to let Jen and Carter get some sleep.
He was out of it, she knew it was a golden opportunity to get some shut eye, so I bolted. I haven't and probably will not be spending any overnights in the hospital. Jen will do that. Then when I arrive in the morning I take over and she comes back here and sleeps as much or as little as she needs to.
She misses being in the rooms for the rounds, but for the most part remembering and relaying details is a strength of mine so she doesn't feel left out. I said FOR THE MOST PART, as I completely forgot that Neuro-Surgery rounded in the AM and had everyone wondering why they had not come by. I thought it was the day before. Time? It is a strange thing in a hospital room.
The Chief Resident came down via special request and went over everything, and when I suddenly remembered that yeah you did tell me all that I humbly apologized for my brain fart. He was a cool guy. Besides, Jen didn't mind, the dude is hot, good eye candy for her. I don't mind. Lookin' at my ugly dome all day has got to get old.
Since my earlier post, there were no changes. Bennett stared eerily a lot. I was deeply, deeply disturbed by it. I was disturbed watching the EEG, which looked like all the others I have seen. Erratic as hell. I mean, looked like a constant state of seizure activity. That was hard too. Could just be what an EEG looks like when a brain is healing, it's just scary as all shit. I've lost it more often today than any other day. And that's saying something, as emotional control has not been my strong suit these past few days. I am so very, VERY worn down and tears are just always just on my face. Almost as natural as my facial hair now.
I thought about trying to sift through all the comments left and individually respond to them, and answer any questions, but you all have been SO supportive and left SO many great things in there it has made it nigh impossible to do so. So I have to take the jackass way out and just say thanks to everyone. I DO read every comment, I really do, and so do many of my family members and friends. We talk about many of you in very glowing, very warm ways.
If there is something you really need to know just e-mail me a note, and I can get back to you on it now. I can get access to most of the e-mail addresses I use at least once a day at the RMH. But know this...thank you all who are trying so hard. I can't tell you what your comments have meant to me. They are like food to a starving man sometimes.
So tomorrow is another day. I am hoping Bennett is more responsive, especially since Carter will be coming up for a visit. My biggest concerns are trying to minimize Carter's freaking out over seeing Bennett in his current state and also trying very hard not to let my five year old son see me break down and cry too hard. I don't mind him seeing some tears, I just have to be sure to be as strong as I can be for him.
After Sunday, Jen and I will be on our own. All the family members will be gone, and we'll have to manage with just each other. So the sooner we can get Bennett out of there the better. I'm hoping it's Tue-Wed, but we'll see. Still lots of twists and turns twixt now and then.