Monday, August 24, 2009

The First Snag

So we need to head up tomorrow to the Cleveland Clinic to get our boy some of that awesome Brain Surgery. In order to get a room at the nearby Ronald McDonald House, you have to call at 2:00PM the day before you need the room and try to get the room. No reservations. It's a shitty system, but I get why it's there.

So, my first fuck up of the week. And it's early, I expect many more. I forget to call at 2:00PM. I call at 2:50PM when Jennifer reminds me. No rooms. Wait list. Can't really say when a room is gonna open up, but they have our info and we call tomorrow and ask if one opened up, meantime probably gonna have to pay a nice chunk of change to go back to the same hotel we were at before. Wait list was 'fairly substantial', says the pleasant sounding woman on the other end of the phone.

I am a very peculiar person. I like to have order in my life. Especially when it comes to going somewhere. I want to get there and unpack, and make that place my little 'cave' for the duration. Make it feel like 'home'. Shit, I take stuff I DO NOT EVEN NEED just so that I can set it around the area so it feels more familiar.

Call it an OCD thing, call it whatever you want. But now? Now that I have to pack the car, then unpack it at a hotel, stay in said hotel but not unpack any of my stuff and essentially wait until we get 'IN' to the RMH, for me, that's a big deal.

I like plans...I hate uncertainty.

Hey, I've got some issues, what can I say?

Though it is ironic that uncertainty and inability to really make definitive plans applies to every aspect of my life right now and it is driving me fucking crazy, cause it SO goes against how I am constructed as a human being. Bennett, home life, job, my health...everything just swirling around in the air, it's frustrating as shit.

This RMH thing? Par for the course. The old me, the one that had a firmer footing on order, would NEVER HAVE FORGOTTEN TO CALL at 2:00PM. NEVER. The new me? The one with the clenched teeth, throwing all kinds of shit in the air while trying not to come apart? He forgets that call because he's too busy trying to remember the OTHER things he is usually right on top of.

Yeah, yeah...stop being so hard on yourself, Lilly. I get it. My momma din't raise no dummy.

I'm just pissed because I crave order, and 2009 has been serving me up a steaming plate of chaos since February and it doesn't look like the menu is gonna change for a while.



  1. Personally I thrive in chaos. But when it comes to traveling, I too like to have everything planned, right down the the last detail.

    As for taking stuff with your to create your cave. Totally understandable, I don't do it that much because I tend to over pack on the "essentials" alone, but I like to take at least one thing that reminds me of home, or happy times, or something like that. If I really could, I would travel everywhere with my pillow.

    Hope a vacancy opens up at the RMH.

  2. I also have some of the very same issues or freakyness as my children would call it.It has eased a bit but I find my head is so not in the game as of late.You'll press on.Cuz there won't be any other choice.I leave you with what else .... a quote:

    "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans"John Lennon~Beautiful Boy

    Ain't this the truth and didn't we get schooled the hard way!!

  3. Oh I am right with you totally. I cannot stand chaos. I like to know EXACTLY what is happening before it happens. I like schedules. I thrive on schedules, having a plan and it being carefully laid out. You screw up my schedule or don't have information when you promise. You will suffer! And yes you said it also...this is NOT the type of person I am to sit and wait for something to happen. And when it comes to having a special needs child it seems all it is, is a bunch of waiting around to find out. Makes me angry! Hope you get a call soon from the RMH, we've been through their system too..and it sucks!

  4. Oh're going a little mental right now. And that's okay.

    You WILL get through this. Because you have NO choice. You WILL one day...on a hemi-holiday with other families like our's...look back and think warmer thoughts than you're having now. The good thing with time is it tends to fade the stress...and sharpen the lessons learned.

    You WILL...

    But right've got a lot of people praying for you...sending good vibes...and doing the best they can to help keep you grounded.



  5. Oh my gosh....I am right with you, Ken....I HATE being in "LIMBO"...(Remember how George Carlin used to say it?)

    I like everything neat and orderly and planned and executed just as I envision....

    Yeah, right....With Colby???....

    Your life will very soon include some sense of order once again....At least as much as two little boys will let you have!!!


  6. P.S. LOVE the yellow tee shirt....That should be my uniform!!!


  7. I must have issues too. That's me to a tee. I didn't even want to try staying at the RMH in Detroit because that meant we would have no concrete plans until the day before. Couldn't stand the thought of having to go to a Plan B under pressure.

    But, I know your anxiety is on a much larger scale. The wrinkles will get ironed out. I'm willing to bet, though, that once you get there, these issues will be on the back burner. You'll get there, get focused on Bennett, and probably won't care where you stay.

    But, I'm still crossing my fingers you get a room there, so you can be as relaxed as possible.


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