I suck at being a Real Man.
Oh sure, I used to be able to put away the brew and suck down a pack of Marlboro like the rest of 'em, but I don't mean that type of Real Man. I'm talking about the type of man who does home repair, fixes their own car, has a garage with peg board on it with all kinds of tools, does their own landscaping...you know, a guy who does things that most guys can do.
I guess you are destined to have certain skill sets and paths.
I can draw, I can design, I can paint.
I can use a computer, some basic cooking, organizational stuff and junk like that. But when it comes to the get your hands dirty kind of stuff, I suck. This used to bug me, not so much anymore, though it does creep in from time to time, like when I see my neighbor's house with all this beautiful work they did to it recently and we still haven't even laid down any mulch at all this year.
Now granted, this year, we get a pass. All the neighbors recognize that this summer we are NOT focused on any sort of lawn beautification projects. Our yard is sort of the blight of the surrounding houses, Blight might be too strong a word, I keep it mowed and it has bare minimum landscaping, but others go apeshit with theirs, so ours just looks ho-hum.
I found myself apologizing a while back to my next door neighbor for it, he very politely said Don't worry about it you have something much bigger to worry about. He is a teacher for Special Needs kids. He knows some of what we are into, and though his own kids are not SN, he does get 'it' more than some others.
But still, I know that the reason it is not being done (in addition to our distractions) is also my own fear of tackling projects of this sort. I fear what I do not know how to do well, and I do not know how to do that stuff well. Never been taught, never taught myself.
Are there 'Man Classes'? Like basic junk? Probably not.
We have this eyesore of a sewer access thingie in our yard. County never took care of it, which they should have, so we are sort of stuck with it. Been thinking about some possible solutions, and we actually have one, and while I can take a photo of the area, go in to the computer, play with it and show what I want to have done, I don't actually know much about how to DO the real work.
Gonna maybe put a fake rock over it. The plan was to do it this year, but the whole Bennett thing puts that on hold. They are NOT cheap at all...like a good one is maybe several hundred, and our out of pocket is just too big this year. That and the fact that we'll also need to spend some dough on bushes, mulch, tools and junk, maybe a tree, to really get the area to look right.
Of course, one of my biggest fears is that my two boys are going to be even MORE lost than I am when it comes to this stuff. I don't know how to even teach them when I don't have the skills.
One thing about the pressure of even feeling this way is a direct result of living in a traditional 'neighborhood'. It is something I really did not want to do, but circumstances kind of played out to where we bought this house, this monster sized beast of a house, when we shouldn't have. Long story. But we did it, and now I would give anything, ANYTHING, to be able to sell this monster. If I could just get out of it without owing anything. If we could break even and get into a smaller, more reasonable home, a lot more secluded, I'd do it in a SECOND.
Now don't get me wrong, it's a very lovely, very beautiful home. I am grateful I get to live in a house like this. I just want something that is...I don't know...more basic. Simpler. Smaller. Something more matched to our personalities. And secluded.
Of course, no time to investigate that as a possibility and the market just isn't there, but maybe someday. One thing at a time...gotta figure out the Kid situation and how all that will play out before any OTHER 'Life' decisions can really be explored.