Tuesday, November 17, 2009
So, last weekend, on Saturday, we actually had a little get together for Bennett's birthday, though the official 'Birth-Day' was earlier in the week but you know how that goes. It was easier to get people grouped together on the weekend.
Small gathering, some close family members, for this one. Nothing fancy. Though I think had I to do it over again I would have sprung for some different eats. What we had was just OK. But I take the blame on that...I should have been more on the ball there and thought it through. But it had been a rough week for me with the whole medication thing.
Bennett was really not that interested at all in the day, it seemed. He had not had a long nap earlier, and honestly as much as I tried I never ONCE got a photo of him smiling or laughing or anything. He wasn't cranky or fussy all that much, he just seemed a little unplugged. Now that could be for any number of reasons, not the least of which could be withdrawal from Vigabatrin, which I am happy to say is now gone from the medicine regimen. He's now down to just the Lamictal, and a low dose at that. So that's groovy.
Of course, the unplugged thing could very well be me. I could be projecting how I feel onto the little guy. I certainly felt out of it. Well, more than I already do normally. Part of that was coming off of the meds I was on, part of it was an emotional issue I was having. Not sure why or how to explain it truthfully, but I was just down and struggling with my emotions.
At one point I started to tear up and had to just find some Me space and get away from everybody. I know my wife saw the tears when they started, but not sure if anyone else did or not. I tried to just slip away and go do my thing, but waddya gonna do? Hell, not a person in that room hasn't seen a few tears from me this year, so it isn't like I was embarrassed, it was more of a thing where I was having a hard time processing my emotions.
Anyway, he received a couple of nifty gifts that he seems to like playing with, though he had no idea at all about unwrapping presents or any of that kind of thing. Maybe that's what was bugging me. He didn't engage with people like he did a year before, didn't get into the process of diving into the presents like he did a year before, and so on.
But again...that's me projecting on to him I think. And that's a problem I have to solve in my own head. Working on it...just gonna take some time I suppose. Here's to hoping that a year from now I can look back and say to myself Damn dude, you were all that worried and concerned fer nuthin', everything is workin' out just fine...