Monday, November 2, 2009

Wow...Just...Wow


You know...this blog has its ups and downs. It has its twists and turns. It can be about something as serious as a brain surgery one day, or about some block figure the next. It can be about the trials and tribulations, the fears and doubts of raising a child with a brain tumor, Epilepsy and severe delays in development, then the next day might show you a chick in a Godzilla costume with tassels on her nips.

That's a reflection of who I am...a bit all over the place. Probably moreso now this year than in any other year of all my 42. I actually like that about myself, in an odd way. My ADHD sort of forces me to hyper-focus or be totally random, and I enjoy both at times. It adds something interesting to My Life.


But one thing that you can always count on, no matter what crazy tangent this blog goes down, is the profound...the staggeringly PROFOUND insight and support of those people who take their time from their own busy, difficult lives to offer a bit of encouragement, a nugget of insight, or an attaboy in the Comments section...all things that help someone in my position keep getting out of bed.

Day.

After day.

After day.


Thanks for that.

It helps. More than you can ever, EVER really know. And it trickles into my home, just so you are aware, and it affects my day, in a good way. I was reading some of yesterday's comments with my morning brew, and I did start to feel a little better, I did start to feel less alone, less lost. I did start to see how others deal with these days, and how 'typical' it is for all of us dealing with so many things in life that are not 'typical'.

And as I was walking towards the kitchen this morning, shortly before I was about to leave for an appointment with a doctor, my wife and I passed each other in the foyer. I haven't had a lot to SAY lately, unless I write it, and she gave me that sideways glance at me as she realized I was about to walk by without uttering a sound. She stopped me.

Are you alright?

That's her way, I think, of checking in to see if I am gonna be losing it any time soon. Can't say I blame her...she's been a trooper. She's been the stronger one of late. The glue. It's who she is. I looked at her, smirked out a crooked smile, raised my eyebrows and shrugged my shoulders, then gave her a hug and told her I'd see her when I got back.

That's my way of telling her, I think, that no, I'm not alright. But I'm trying, I'm really trying, and thanks for being concerned. Hang in there, kiddo, because eventually, hopefully, I can be.

OUT...

13 comments:

  1. I'm rooting for all of you, Ken.

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  2. Hope today was better than yesterday.

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  3. I think sometimes we try to find that one comment that will "make" everything okay for someone.

    When in reality, all we need to hear is "I understand exactly how you feel and it's okay".

    I hope you find yourself on the upside of things today.

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  4. Hoping today is a better day than yesterday and that tomorrow is even better.

    Even those of us not in your situation, like me, have "those" days, but we deal the best we can. I certainly have days where I just wish I could crawl back into bed and shut the entire world out, but I know that's not possible so I just deal the best I can. We all deal in different ways, and that doesn't make your way any worse than anyone else's.

    Hang tough Ken, you will get through this.

    And thanks for the visual of the chic in the Godzilla costume with tassles....made me laugh and nearly spit my milk out!!

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  5. Great, now I need to go home and look at the blog because I can't see the gorilla costume! My computer has this annoying habit of blocking photos!

    Anyway, I am sorry you've been feeling so off kilter. You're on the downward slide of the roller coaster, it'll go back up. It's this life of SN kids. I hope each day is a little better.

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  6. That's my one thing. My one good thing that I can consistently pull out of all this crazy mess. When I take the time to try and make sense of it. The wonderful beautiful friendships that I have made during these past couple of years. Friendships that never would have happened without the crazy. Some of the most "quality" people I know are other IS mommies and daddies.

    Your family are one of those connections that I count as special.


    ...danielle

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  7. I feel the same way as Danielle; many of the people I've come to "know" along this journey are just awesome. I hope to be able to offer as much support as I've gotten along the way.

    I hope the appointment with the doctor went well, and maybe that you have some ideas about what you can do to feel better.

    Thinking about you.

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  8. Your may be down but you ain't out.I come around and read, don't always comment. I won't unless I think I have something to say worth saying.
    You inspire, whether it's the good the bad or the ugly, you inspire.
    Thanks for your words. Hope you come around, feel upish!

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  9. Ah yes. That is why I love the blog--without it, how could I meet so many people in the same boat?

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  10. Yes, we're all connected in weird and wonderful ways. Like a bunch of dominoes that fall in ever intricate patterns...

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  11. I ditto eveything said here....

    Thank you for taking the time to thank all of US! That shows the kind of person you really are....

    I know I can speak for everyone who reads this....WE thank YOU....We thank YOU for sharing your life and family and ups and downs and all the s#*$ that comes with it....YOU helps US every day to deal with our own!!!

    I, for one, don't know what I have done all these many years without having your words to read and support to feel! I am so thankful that I have y'all now...FINALLY...

    Thank you, Ken!

    Cyndi

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  12. We're all hoping that today is a better day. You have had to deal with more in your '42' than I hope I will have to deal with in my lifetime, and you have done so with grace, with dignity, with brutal honesty and by baring so much of your soul. I wish you nothing but better days ahead, a good night's sleep, and peace.

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  13. Dude no need to thank, we just read to keep up with you, and at the same time to get some grounding, in our (also) crazy lives.

    Your writing isn't just therapeutic for you, it is also so for those that read your writings.

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