But now I'm back, ready to get serious about Blogzilly again. Got lots to talk about...you know how it is, I use this as my own cybernetic shrink. I works dee shit out in my head by purging it into the printed word and funky pictures. That's just how I roll. Come to think of it, I can't remember a time when I was NOT an open book, whether it was in a conversation one on one, or on a blog open to the public.
There are some who have noted in the past that I actually use that Open Book Policy as a sort of shield. It's an interesting theory...and one that might have some merit. Constantly barrage someone with whatever I choose to, of a deeply personal nature, and that someone or someones are not only satisfied by that and push no further to ask me about things I do not want to share, but they then leave the experience believing that I have pretty much spilled it all.
Maybe a part of that actually is true. There are roads I don't go down, some by choice, some out of respect, but no one ever assumes that since I would go down so many roads that other people would not go openly, whether in conversation or in a blog. So maybe it does create a 'buffer'.
I dunno...that's complex shit. And I'm in no mood for complex shit today.
So...there's a handful of things going on that I want to go over. I'm holding back a couple for personal reasons. So there, I admitted it. No need to guess anymore...yes, I am creating a buffer. I guess it isn't that complicated after all?
On the home front, Carter, my five year old, just got something called 'Fifth Disease'. Gotta admit, yet another thing I had NEVER heard of before. EVER. It isn't serious, just a virus that kids get, but it causes this god-awful looking rash...poor little guy. He feels OK now, so even though he was home from school yesterday he's back today, once the rash shows he is past the contagious part.
I do not know yet if Bennett caught it or not. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that he has not.
Speaking of Bennett, he's doing OK. No seizures, though honestly I don't really expect any. Tumor causes seizures. Tumor removed. Seizures gone. That's the way it SHOULD work, though I know in many cases it doesn't work that way sadly. In Bennett's case it seems that it is working out just like that though.
He's still very delayed cognitively, but improving. It's funny...last Friday or so he just started exploding with jabbering, something he hadn't done since long before the surgery. Something just clicked in him I suppose, because since then it's been non-stop jabbering, with a HUGE range of different sounds, consonants, vowels, etc.
No words, but it does give me cause to hope that maybe it's gonna happen soon. I do hope so, for his sake more than for anything else. I want the best for him. As any parent would. As any parent should.
Other than that, we're doing what most people are doing...trying to get shit ready for our kids for the upcoming Christmas and trying to make the best of it. It's hard. In my hand of the remaining three cards that I'm not playing right now (the stuff that is serious that I am not willing or able to discuss openly at this time) this simple act of making the best of it is going to be very hard for us. We have a great deal on our collective minds.
It's funny...we had hoped that as we turned the corner into 2010 that there would be a significant change in our lives, that things would start to 'look up'. When we would say that to each other, the wife and me, it was always in reference to Bennett. And so, I guess you could say that in that way we are blessed to not have the mountains to climb with him for 2010.
Scratch that. There are still mountains. But we have stronger legs.
We weren't anticipating any of the other stuff, and so moving into 2010 there is a chance that the coming months may even turn out to be more difficult than 2009 was. It's a wait and see thing for that. Quite frankly, I still intend to make the attempt to change some things and try even harder to not get sucked deeper into the Depression Vortex.
So far I have a pretty good grip. If I can avoid putting a screwdriver through my hand like I did LAST Christmas Eve I should be able to hold on for a while.