Haven't blogged in over a week. All bound up. Have blogstipation. Need some cerebral fiber.
You are all still on my mind of course, dear readers, enough that I was able to pull together my thoughts enough to dick around with my header image over the past week. I like doing that from time to time.
Not sure why I went with the grayscale scheme this time. I'm sure there is a deep psychological reason for it. Um...yeah. Or, maybe I was just looking for a change.
It's fun to change it up. And also this past week I've peeked at some blogs without commenting. Other than that? Same old.
Last Friday was tough.
March 5th. The one year anniversary of the first time Bennett had his first EEG and instantaneously received the diagnosis of Infantile Spasms. Which was at that time attributed to Cortical Dysplasia, which I studied hard. Later, after many failed medications and doctor visits, he was diagnosed with a Grade II Oligoastrocytoma, in other words a Brain Tumor, and then he had surgery almost immediately.
Now he has a diagnosis of Autism, or what they refer to as PDD-NOS, which 'falls on to the Autism spectrum', so they say.
I understand VERY little about Autism. Or PDD-NOS for that matter. All I seem to have right now is even more questions that I am not trying to find answers to. Why? Why this time around am I avoiding the research? Why am I hiding? What am I hiding from? Why do I keep my head in the sand over this? Why now and not 6 months ago?
What's it really mean, this Autism thing? Why is Autism different than Mental Retardation? Why is Mental Retardation now a bad thing to say? How do I define to a person in a fast fashion what the deal is with my son when they look at him funny at the mall? With so many different KINDS of Autism, what KIND does Bennett actually have? What caused it? Was he Autistic before 1/5th or so of his brain was removed? Was he Autistic before the seizures started? Or did he become Autistic after the seizures attacked his brain hundreds of times a day for 6 months?
I have WAY too many questions swirling around the vast chasm that is my egg-shaped melon. I will say this...my wife is attacking this whole thing with an intensity I have never seem from her. Books, possible dietary changes, all kinds of things she is attempting to understand. Kudos to her.
So anyway...funk explained. Sort of.
Obviously I have to give it a lot more thought. And research. I have to face it all rather than distracting myself with photographing product or organizing shelves or doing household projects or punching up the portfolio and shit like that. I think, and this is coming to me as I write this, that maybe what I need most is a starting point. Sometimes a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, I get that. But in which direction do I TAKE that first step?
That's the real dilemma.