Man the weather is nice outside today. What the hell am I doing indoors? I gotta get out there and mow the lawn, I just need to wait until the sun gets into the front yard completely and dries the dew. Shouldn't be too much longer.
You should take a look at Ellen's blog today. She writes a great one called To The Max!, or 'Love That Max!'. It was 'To The Max!' and it still shows up that way in my subscription but the photo and title say 'Love That Max!'. I must somehow convince her that 'To The Max!' is the most genius title ever and she should keep it.
Anyhoo...she gave me a nod, and I appreciate it, and wanted to return the favor. And her post today is very uplifting, very inspiring. They usually are, but she talks about her journey over the years in an attempt to explain what I had been wondering...How are you so upbeat and positive as a parent of a child with Special Circumstances?
I wonder that about many of the folks who write their blogs so fluidly and so filled with hope, joy and faith. I could rattle them off, but just look to your right. They are all there, and they all have something beautiful and insightful and unique to offer. Often, any one of those parents, and others, will write something that will point me in a new direction or give me something very different to think about.
And think I do, all day long, as I spend most of my conscious hours alone in the house. And most of the time? Honestly? Not upbeat. Not happy. Not hopeful. Not smiling.
But in a way, I chalk much of it up to clutter. Even BEFORE Bennett's diagnosis of Autism, even before the surgery, even before the brain tumor, even before the Infantile Spasms of the very first seizure that we had no clue about whatsoever...I had issues to overcome. So I wasn't entering the situation with a clean bill of mental health. Like a garage that hasn't been cleaned out in years, a lot of debris had settled in my mind and my head was, well, still is, in need of a good yard sale.
And Jen knows this. Which is, I suppose, why she hasn't divorced my ass yet. The statistic for divorce among married couples with a Special Circumstances child is something like 80-90%. I learned that only recently, and it was shocking, but then of course it wasn't. Make sense? That's OK, it doesn't to me either.
What is my point here? I gotta have one right? I guess my point is that I certainly owe a debt of gratitude to the bloggers that I follow, and those I have yet to discover. Their honesty, the willingness of them to share their experiences, has probably been the one thing keeping me from tipping over the edge.
Because it reminds me that we are not alone in this, that others have been there/done that and experienced a lot of the same feelings and fears as we have. It's comforting. It's needed. And I am not sure what I would have done in this situation without them.
We are all part of a very unique group of people, just like our children are. We exist inside a clubhouse that anyone who is not living there can never truly understand. And that's OK that those people outside the club don't really know what it's like. They simply are not capable of knowing.
It's not their fault, so I don't hold it against them. Because I know that I would not have been capable in January 2009 of understanding what it was like for anybody in the club.
That's just how it is.
So go read some other blogs listed on the right side of this blog if you ever get the chance and don't already. Great people, with some great things to say. You'll be glad you did, ESPECIALLY if you are NOT a member of the club...because you have an chance to get as close to understanding the mindset of the membership as you are ever gonna get without having to live with the daily pain of it.
It's an opportunity. Take advantage.