Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Zaps REAL Bad Today

Yesterday I thought I was on the end of the curve of the Brain Zaps, because for some of the afternoon they seemed to be improving. Woke up this morning to a renewed vigor of swinging Lightsabers. It's SO disorienting in fact that it makes certain things, like driving, very difficult.

I find myself having to defocus my eyes, and keep the license plate of the car in front of me in that center point, sort of like in your mind's eye. I can't explain this well, but it is like looking but not really looking, so that there is no actual eye movement or temptation to move my eyes side to side.


So I'm just gonna shut up today, not talk about anything that is going to upset my wife (which I do quite often, in case you were curious), and show the latest set of Star Wars Kubricks that came out this summer. It was called Star Wars Kubrick DX: Series 1 and I've had them awhile but have not gotten round to showing them off.


Short for Deluxe, because this line, unlike old Kubrick lines but very much like most lines in other toys that are out right now, has a 'Build-A-Figure' component to it. For those who have no idea what that means, it means you have six figures of packaged items in the line.

The parts for a seventh figure are spread out between all six of the packaged figures. You can't just buy 4 or 5 or the ones you like, you have to get ALL SIX in order to build the final figure of the set, often referred to as a 'BAF' for short.

It's plastic extortion, it's wrong in SO many ways, but everybody in the industry seems to be doing it. Sign of the times...the industry is in the shitter right now in a lot of ways. Toy companies are struggling, especially the small-medium ones, and you gotta do what you gotta do to try to sell your product.

Anyway, the figures in the new Star Wars DX: Series 1 are (drum roll)...

Jedi Knight Luke Skywalker
This is like the 8th or 9th (I think) Luke Skywalker that Medicom has released in Kubrick form, but only the second 'Jedi Knight' version of the character. The first was in Series 5, but that figure had a hood on and wasn't all that posable with that stiff covering. I like this one better, especially that goofy greenish hair color that Mark Hamill had in Return of the Jedi. And who doesn't love a bone from the Rancor Pit as an accessory?

This is the fourth release of the Astromech Droid. First came the Early Bird version with his interior 'third leg' out (hee hee, THIRD leg), then a sort of 'Animated' repaint based on the cartoon Droids (on a blister card, which I 'sniff' do not have). Then came the C-3PO/R2-D2 2-pack earlier this year that had Artoo without the 'third leg' (hee hee, THIRD leg). This one also is missing the 'third leg' (hee hee, THIRD leg) but has the added bartender thingamajig that he had on while stuck on Jabba's Sail Barge.

Like Artoo, this is the fourth release of Threepio. First one came out in Series 2 or 3, can't remember, then the second one was also a sort of 'Animated' repaint based on the cartoon Droids (on a blister card which I ALSO 'sniff' do not have). The third came out in the 2-pack mentioned above. This one here features Salacious Crumb, the puppet that sat in front of Jabba giggling and checking out Carrie Fisher's half naked ass. Here he is perched upon Threepio's shoulder, from the scene where for some reason as yet unexplained Crumb was eating 3PO's eye out. Maybe it was the frustration at not getting his shot with Leia.

This is the fourth version of Chewbacca that Medicom has put out. The first was a straight up Star Wars Chewie in the Early Bird set, the second was a blister packed version of that same figure, the third was sort of a Hoth version of the Wookiee, which essentially was the figure with some white paint speckled on it (LAME). At least this Chewie has the new head sculpt with his ROTJ hairdo and the chain from his introduction scene in ROTJ as the bounty to Boussh, which was actually Leia posing as a bounty hunter to get into Jabba's Palace.

Finally! An all-new figure! Only took us to number FIVE of the six figure set to get to a newbie. Most of you won't know who the fuck this actually is. But Star Wars geeks like myself know that he is simply one of Jabba's cronies, hanging out in the background of Jabba's Palace, with no speaking lines at all. He was just window dressing in the film, though like all the window dressing characters he now has a retro-fitted 'backstory'.

Bib Fortuna
Rounding out the six figure set you get Jabba's right-hand (or is that 'right-stubby'?) man with his first release, as no earlier incarnations of Bib Fortuna have been made in Kubrick form. SWEET! I would have liked to have him have a staff or at least one of his knives, but he was packed with NO accessories at all, like Amanaman. So I added one of my own for the photo. I think it is a vintage Kenner piece.

Have you noticed any particular theme emerging from this little Show and Tell?

All the characters are from the scenes that took place in Return of the Jedi at Jabba's Palace or on the Sail Barge when it took our heroes across the desert sands of Tatooine to be tossed into the Pit of Carkoon and be slowly digested for a thousand years by the Sarlaac residing within. (Hmmm..if victims tossed in stay alive to experience 'a new definition of pain and suffering' for that thousand years, wouldn't SOMEONE have tried to turn its secretions into some kind of Intergalactic Anti-Aging Cream by now?)

SO then...who is the 'BAF' from this Deluxe series? You guessed correctly young's JABBA THE HUTT himself.


Jabba the (Fucking) Hutt
Jabba has always been one of my favorite Star Wars characters. I don't know why. I guess I identify with a disgusting, vile, overweight, bald, mostly sedentary slug-like creature who likes to hit the Hooka Pipe from time to time and who enjoys as entertainment watching girls in skimpy outfits dancing. But man I do love Jabba and I am THRILLED that he is now a Kubrick. It's friggin' AWESOME!!!

There is only one thing that REALLY bugs me about this Kubrick series. Yeah I'm cheesed by the re-fitted figures from previous releases, but I actually DO understand it in this economy and I can get over it. Yeah the whole concept of the 'BAF' overall cheeses me off, which, again, I understand in this economy.

But the fact that Salacious Crumb is sculpted so that he can ONLY hump C-3PO's face? UNACCEPTABLE!!! How am I supposed to have him sit in front of my precious Jabba when he is like that, with a giant square peg sticking out of what should be his rounded chest?

MAJOR bummer. I'll have to settle for just Leia. Now if I could just figure out how to get her to lay down in a sexy pose.

Anyway, remember, Celebration V is 'almost........there......', and a couple of my good friends are actually involved in it in a major way. They are doing all the convention merchandise, been working on it for months. I SO wanted to be a part of that, but had to be laid off before this project got underway.

To be SO close to my dream of working on official Star Wars merchandise only to see it disappear like Yoda in Return of the Jedi? Par for the course for me and the last couple of years, wouldn't you say? is what it is. I'll always have my Smart Bombs, even though they weren't exactly 'official' and I did get a C&D from Lucasfilm and had to hire a lawyer to defend.

But back to my buds. Overall they have some really nifty stuff and some very clever ideas were brought to fruition, and I wanted to make sure I link you to the Celebration Store section of the website that features their wares. Sadly, you can't buy the stuff online, or my Visa card would be getting RAPED right now, you can only get it at the convention. But still...worth a look. It's sweet!



  1. cool! I never noticed how phallic all that jabba stuff was before....

  2. I have yet to pick up the DX series. I am so tempted...

  3. Wanted to let you know I watched the first season of Breaking Bad (in one six hour stretch). Great recommendation. I'm hooked.

  4. Stryder:
    That's my job. Picking out the dirty stuff.

    Get them You will NOT be disappointed in the Jabba. It is first rate.

    Cool! We stopped after 2/3 of Season 1 but we do love the show. Subject hitting too close to home these days so we went back to a LOST re-watch. We'll get back to BB later.

  5. Hello all, how is everybody?

  6. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.


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