Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Bucket List

As it turns out, I'm guessing that Bennett had some sort of Flu last Thursday and Friday, and since he enjoys drinking out of Daddy's water bottle, guess who spent Saturday and Sunday with a bucket at the ready?

Yeah...that would be me.

I don't get adults though.

Why do some of us try SO hard not to blow chunks?

We hang on to our own vomit like its made of gold. All day Saturday I was about as nauseous as I have ever been in my life and yet I never once threw up. Came close a few times, but I fought it off like I was a Spartan at the Battle of Thermopylae. Even though I KNEW I would probably feel better if I just let it fly.

Finally, in an ironic twist, later that evening I decided to Hell with this, I'm gonna just do it already. I put on some gloves, went to the bathroom and tried to make myself...and I couldn't.

For some reason, I find this to be incredibly funny.

I have ZERO idea why. But I'm also nucking futs.

And's a bit of advice to anybody else who gets sick as this virus makes its way across the nation. Use caution when picking your Sick Movies. Jen didn't feel well either, but we both wanted to watch a movie. For a while I had told her I wanted to see, but didn't know much about, a movie called The Road. The only reason I wanted to see it is because I love Viggo Mortensen, and would watch anything he was in.

And don't get me wrong, it was a great film. Fantastically acted, grimly and beautifully directed, the subject matter was handled just as it should have been and it was a brilliant adaptation of the Pulitzer Prize winning novel written by Cormac McCarthy, whom you might also know as the writer of the book No Country for Old Men.

But it is dark as shit, and not the kind of thing you need when you are laying around sick and pondering the fact that your life, as you know it, will never be the same again. Something my wife and I had been conversing about this weekend.

This past week we could not figure out why Bennett was having such a rough time. He was not running that high of a fever at all but he was still vomiting and was constantly moaning/screeching. We tried so many things to make him feel better and we couldn't find anything that worked.

This particular flu virus gave very unusual symptoms. Severe body aches. SEVERE. Felt like your bones had bug-like exo-skeletal properties, so every movement you made resulted in your muscles scraping against your bones. Intense headache, severe nausea (and the vomiting only really came if you ATE, which of course we forced him to do), cramping in the stomach, weakness, temperature fluctuations but not severe enough to cause intense fever.

Many of the things we tried to make him feel better flew in the face of these facts.

We tried distracting him by PLAY, which probably caused him pain. If only we could have talked to him about it more, if he could have told us his tummy ached we might have tried to alleviate that symptom with something. We might have wrapped him in blankets, cause chances are he probably felt SUPER cold. I know I did all day Saturday, and I am the one generally bitching about how hot I am. My folks bring EXTRA LAYERS of clothing to my house when they visit, we keep it like a Morgue in here. But there was no way for him to tell us.

Anyway, it prompted a conversation between Jen and I about our family and our future. An admission of sorts, one we have always hinted at, but have never actually spoken aloud, at least not with the grimness of reality we did this weekend.

We admitted that our lives are essentially, from now on, never going to be the same ever again for our family. Not for any event. Not for any holiday. Not for even the simplest of functions. Our family isn't like other families. We don't fit in with the other 'normal' families anymore.

Now, in order for Carter to do something that other kids do, for the most part if things don't change from where they are we have to split the family up, etc., etc. It was one of those harsh reality conversations, a 'Why him?' conversation. A 'Why does Carter have to get all the shrapnel?' conversation. A 'What are we doing wrong?' conversation. A 'What happens if this?' and a 'What happens if that?' conversation.

I freakin' hate those.

We were just in a bad state of mind. Bad flu. Depressing movie. Ravens lost to the Patriots because of shitty, conservative play-calling...AGAIN. Cameron, you suck. Rough couple of weeks. Tough quarterly review from Bennett's school showing a fairly big swing and a miss on many of his goals.

Oh, and I know I said last week that I was gonna read up on ABA and Friday I was gonna tell you what I learned. I did read up, and I did learn some things, but now I am more confused than ever (And Friday I was dealing with a sick boy so I couldn't do a write-up...shit happens). And the eval makes me even MORE confused. More study is needed and I need to do an observation day at Bennett's school. To be continued.

I do have quite a bit more to say about The Road also, which is still on my mind, days later, and how it relates to a lot of things that I think parents who experience any kind of disaster with their child go through, but that's gonna have to wait for another time.



  1. Oh,Ken...The Road?? While you're sick?? OMG. Just kill yourself now, buddy. I read the way I will see the movie. "Dark" doesn't quite hit the mark in terms of description.
    And for the tough takes courage. Bless you for having it out. I need to take a page from your book, I'm afraid. Hang in.

  2. Yes, 'The Road' while I was sick. Look...I can write, draw, design a toy and I'm not a shabby kisser, but I never said I was smart.

  3. So so sorry about the bug....I HATE the bug....More than the flu or strep or most things...It's the puke that I can't deal with...I have a phobia....Add that to the total fear of Colby getting it and NOT being able to hold down his seizure meds....HATE it....

    As for "the talk"...Glad y'all are talking....Sometimes it doesn't really change anything, but you are at least seeing some of what your partner is thinking....

    There is only so much you can do to "prepare" for this future of your family's...It is more a "go with the flow" kind of thing you have to do....Which is TOTALLY NOT ME....But you learn...I did...Not the best at it, but kinda just got used to it....And you do the best you can....And play "tentative" scenarios in your head...Just like you and your wife are doing now....And doing a fine, fine job of....

    Hang in there...And y'all stay well!!!


  4. Feeling better now? Sorry you were sick...that blows. (Literally.)

    I have myself on an Outlines-Only watching policy. I highly recommend it. If it's animated, it makes the cut. Thanks to Adventure Time and Regular Show, there's plenty of good stuff out there. (I'll make exceptions for sciency-shows so I can maintain my membership in the Dork can add in football...)

  5. Whenever I get the flu I get the existential dreads -- and it sounds like you had them as well -- worsened by "The Road" and a bit of reality. Hang in there and with the rest of we "un-normal" folks. Keep talking. And laughing.

  6. Hey -- dig the new pics in the header!

  7. So I will not be watching The Road. Thanks for the heads up. I am currently trying to manage most of the crap by keeping my head in the sand about the stuff down the road. Trying to make Maddie's days as good as I can and keep myself sane. The rest I will deal with as it comes. I hope.

  8. I read the Road in one and a half days. I just kept thinking it has to get better. It was so raw and terrifying, I could not put it down. The absolute love of a dad for his son against anything is the theme, but yeah it went some freak'n dark places.

    The movie just sits at the Red Box waiting for me to get it. It will happen eventually. I can't bring myself to watch it just yet. I'll probably wait until my wife and kids are off visiting Grandma in North Carolina over the holidays. I'm sure it will cheer me up. Maybe I'll stop by the hospice house down the street and see if anyone wants to watch it with me.


  9. Cynthia:
    How the hell you got by without the Internet all those years is beyond my ability to comprehend. You need to write a book.

    Outlines only? Hmmm...and thanks on the blog header comment. I decided on a couple of changes. Less cleavage (guilt over conflict of subject matter) less use of the F-Bomb (Mom) and even some color exploration (yes you convinced me.)

    The Road isn't about a child dying or anything like special needs, its just a bleak film about the end of the world and trying to survive in it. But still don't need it, despite its quality performances.

    Humor is the key to everything, isn't it? I think I may watch Anchorman the next time I get sick. For some reason that film is a guaranteed laugh riot for me. Maybe it's the hair.

    Maybe that's why I was so bummed out by The Road. I kept thinking it was going to get better, but it never really did. Even the ending...was it really 'better'? No. I have the DVD No Country for Old Men, been meaning to watch it for quite a while, maybe 4 months now, and now I'm terrified to. Same author!

  10. No Country For Old Men pissed me off.

    I read the book when it first came out and it throws a pretty major plot twist 3/4 of the way through. Really made me mad.

    Fast forward a few years later and the movie comes out. Like an idiot I watch it and it pisses me off all over again.

    It ain't bad writing or movie directing. It is the story itself which pisses me off.

    Nothing is wrapped up in a neat little bow. The good guys don't win and the bad guys are not really punished. It is sort of how real life is. I can look at real life for dismal examples of the good suffering and the bad getting off scot free. I don't want or need my entertainment to show me unresolved events with no moral connective tissue. That ain't deep, that is unrewarding storytelling.

    Still for some reason I keep reading Cormac McCarthy. He is a great writer, just not a fun ride.



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