I TOTALLY Forgot Something
I always say that we should never forget the cautionary words of Winston Wolf.
And I believe that, in every way. If you do not know WHAT the cautionary words of Winston Wolf really are, then you need to do some research, but in essence let me summarize...you always need to be careful about celebrating victory before the battle is truly won.
He just says it in a way that appeals to my sense of humor, that's all.
On December 2nd, 2010, an anniversary happened that I forgot to mention. The funny thing is, I usually never forget the SHITTY anniversaries, but I forget the good ones very easily. This past December 2nd marked the TWO YEAR ANNIVERSARY of yours truly being CIGARETTE FREE.
I went and looked at last years post on the subject, and it was actually fairly similar to what I would write today, so I am pretty much gonna just repeat it here. With a couple of minor changes.
At approximately 10:48 A.M., TWO years ago, on December 2nd, 2008, I inhaled a long drag from a cigarette, put the cigarette out in a Coke can (as was my habit), threw the Coke can in the trash and went back into the house.
It was the very last cigarette I have ever smoked.
That's right, you heard me. Me, the guy that tried and failed and tried and failed SO many times in my life to quit the habit that I didn't even really START until I was 21 years old, was finally able to give the damn things up for good.
TWO FREAKING YEARS.
And I loved...LOVED...smoking.
Now THAT'S worth a giant pat on the back by the giant hand. I think one of the reasons I stayed quit this time was because I never went back and dabbled. I never said I'll just have this one and see how it tastes/feels, I never said at a function or with a drink Well, it's OK to just have one now and again.
There was none of that this time.
Not that I don't miss it from time to time, because there are times I really do. After meals, with a steaming hot cup of afternoon tea, after the horizontal shuffle, while driving on long trips, when I need to get out of a crowded room and just leave some of the chaos of the crowd behind me, and all those other times when we nasty smokers would crave the death sticks.
Not that I don't regret the weight I've put on. Cause I do. But in the end, I can always tackle the weight and make that a priority for my overall health...although admittedly being able to get that motivation to tackle the weight has been lacking.
By the way, that is NOT my actual belly. Let me make sure I clarify that. Mine is way sexier.
Now, I also must point out that I do not think a soul on this planet would have BLAMED me at all for picking up a cigarette again over the last 18 months. If I had fallen off the wagon I could have easily done so and no one would have really thought any less of me. In fact, many people cite the fact that I didn't during this hugely stressful time as an amazing achievement.
Perhaps it is.
I dunno. Frankly it's easy to stay motivated to not smoke when your child has HAD a brain tumor and you do not want it coming back. I wouldn't want any residual particle of nastiness on my clothes to mess with him in any way. I smoked outside but that shit lingers.
Besides, I would not want my kids to be influenced by my actions. Carter already imitates a ton of the bad habits I often reveal to him in my daily actions, NO reason at all to let him think it's OK to puff away.
So that's it, just thought I'd share. There are still some mighty mountains for me to climb in my life as far as overall health, and especially mental health. But smoking? It just isn't who I am anymore.
And I'm STILL very proud of it.
Do I ever think about doing it still?
Oddly enough, yes I do. Even today, coming back from a breakfast function with Bennett and the family, I found myself craving one for some strange reason I cannot explain. In fact, the craving was SO strong it was what reminded me of the actual anniversary in the first place.
But I can't go back. I won't go back. I can't go back.
Besides. Now that I have accepted the words of Winston Wolf...going back would just be...uncivilized.