Monday, January 31, 2011

The F-Word

You know how much I love it. The way it rolls so effortlessly off the tongue. Or the fingertip. Oh F-Word, how I love to pepper you into every conversation, using you to spice up even the most mundane of topics.

Sadly, the F-Word I am talking about in this post is Flu, not the other one. (Well, technically it is an 'i-word'...INFLUENZA, but then I could not be clever, could I?)

This F-Word I hate, with a red-hot-poker-in-yer-ass* passion.

Bennett has it.


Saturday night, when his fever was back up in the 104 range, we took him to the Urgent Care. You don't FUCK around (ah...there you are my old friend) with fevers in that range with a kid who has a history of Epilepsy, so off we went. They did a swab test and he did test positive for Flu. I didn't even know they could DO that. Shows you what a moron I am.

Well, at least he doesn't have any infections that we KNOW of. Yet.

But that means he is still home, and I am still tied up with him here. Cranky today. He is I mean. Well me too, but what can you expect. I wish I could teach him to blow his nose (among other things). It would make things so much easier for him.

Anyway, that's the latest on Bennett's condition.

Of course, it could be worse. Much worse. You always, ALWAYS, have to remember to keep your life, your kid's lives and everything in front of your face in the proper perspective.

Matthew Barr, a young boy I have been talking about a bit lately who also had a brain tumor and had been battling its effects for a long, long time, finally lost that battle on Saturday, January 29th at around 1:10 in the afternoon. Calling hours will be on Thursday, Feb. 3 from 2-4 pm and 6-8 pm at Devore-Snyder Funeral Home in Sunbury, if anyone who reads this is local.

I hope that this family will eventually find some peace. The last child's funeral I went to was one of the most difficult things I have ever seen in my entire life, I simply cannot imagine (well I can IMAGINE of course) the absolute grief this must feel like.

All I can do is hope that their family can stay together and heal and rebuild from this...what else can I do really? Makes me very, very sad. Makes me angry. All this shit does. Seeing all the pain and the suffering of people. Sometimes...I dunno...I just don't get how people maintain any level of Faith at all.

Every time I think I am about to make some kind of headway into repair work in that area, something happens to turn the tide in the other direction and my anger resurfaces. I can't seem to escape it. It is a very consuming thing.

Anyway...wish I had better news. I know Elaine was hoping for some (there was SOME in the Quarterly Review, though not at all what we were hoping for...but certainly nothing to be really discouraged by either). Hang in there soul sister. You know there always seems to be SOME bright positive that will show itself to us JUST at the moment that we absolutely need it to keep us from going over the edge.


*Only a handful of people will understand this VERY inside joke. Sadly and ironically, they also probably ALL attended that child's funeral I mentioned above.


  1. I'm so sorry to hear about little Matthew. Terrible.

    When faith fails, there is always love.

  2. Knowing it could be much worse doesn't seem to make it any easier for me. It just fills me with more sadness. Knowing there are other families out there suffering more...the Barr family...I can't even wrap my mind around that.

  3. OK --- everybody go hug your kids. Right now. Go.

  4. Hey my friend...was out of pocket (and town) for awhile. Just caught up on your posts. Sorry, sorry about Carter being sick and having the Kidney thing. They better figure it out all deserve the breath of relief "Oh THAT's all it is." You havn't had very many of those.


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