Friday, May 20, 2011
Want Your Day To Suck? Here Are 5 Ways To Get It Started
Yeah I'm in a foul mood. So sue me. You should smell my breath. It's even fouler. I had asked my wife a few days ago if she'd noticed and she'd said no. Then yesterday she said she did.
Just call me Godzilla. (Just make sure when you do that you are running down the street looking over your shoulder, willya?) Not only do I have some kind of alien parasite or something living in my throat, poofing out the size of my neck in all kinds of weird and unnatural ways, but I'm spewing my toxic breath all over the house.
Already it has not been a good morning and it isn't even nine thirty. I smell a very bad weekend coming on. Well, I smell a lot of things, as I mentioned before. You wanna have a shitty day too? Here's five things YOU can do to make damn sure that you can.
1. Spend a solid half an hour running back and forth from your computer to the kitchen sink gagging, trying to get something to come up out of the Gateway to Hell that has grown in your throat. Doesn't even matter what comes out. Either way, you're not having fun.
Just so you know...I saw the doc about the throat. He has no idea what is going on. Sending me to see (gasp)...a specialist. But that's not until next Thursday. And yes...I am scared that it is something serious. After all, I did smoke for 20 years. But there is nothing I can do in the meantime but try to manage my symptoms. Someone in the comments previously mentioned a drug but I cannot find it in a more serious form than, say, Mucinex, and I am not sure if that is what they meant. Since they were 'Anonymous' I can't contact them directly and ask.
2. Read an article about toxic chemicals in baby products possibly being linked to Autism in infants. Found the article on Facebook on the Autism Canada Foundation Page via a link from Harold Doherty's page. He writes the blog Facing Autism in New Brunswick.
3. Go to print out your shipping labels and invoices for stuff you need to go out today, only to realize that you are not only out of ink but you forgot to order any. Now you have to make a special trip to the store using your 4.00 a gallon gasoline in order to get new ink cartridges, which you realize are way overpriced to begin with. This whole 'needing money to buy things' really sucks.
4. Realize that you have to indefinitely postpone the continuation of your dental work that you started a couple of months prior, cause guess what Holmes? Your insurance company sucks dong and you don't have the cash. Because of some new 'procedure policy' your health insurance is now doing, whatever they are jamming down your throat next week has an out of pocket cost that you really don't have. And since you have to fix your house with money that you really don't have, you have to cancel the next dental thing which was to fix the tooth with money you really don't have that was sensitive to heat/cold because it has a cavity in it.
But guess what boys and girls? Since we already hit our dental max for the YEAR with that crown? I have to wait until next year to resume Operation: Toothy. Hopefully, I won't chew any of the other boys apart in the meantime.
5. Go to your PayPal account to create the shipping labels for the stuff you mentioned above. Sit there dumbfounded, mouth agape (if it were a cartoon done by a master like John K., of course there would be a little trail of green vapor coming out of it) as one of the payment's you received earlier in the week, a hefty one (I'm talking 'hundreds' here), is BEING HELD, and you already sent the goods.
What that means is that I don't have access to that money but the items this person bought from me I ALREADY SENT. Could be a bank problem or something, I don't know. But in cases like these, when it is an international buyer? I won't get it resolved for WEEKS. Will I recover the money? Probably. But not for a long time.
So there you have it. And like I said...my day has only just begun. I'm sure there is a lot more AWESOME stuff to look forward to. Hell, even while I was writing this I ran to the sink at least 6 times. SWEET!
I do have one other thing to say though.
FUCK Stephen Hawking.
I'll elaborate more on that when I have the time.