Monday, June 6, 2011

Remember Booger?

Well, before he was Booger, and before he was Herbert Viola trying to score with Agnes DiPesto, he was simply Miles, the good friend of Joel Goodson. When Joel's parent's go away on a trip, leaving him alone in the house, Miles does what all good friend's do...he tries to convince his buddy to take advantage of his newly acquired freedom to live a little.

To have some fun.

Most importantly, to push past the boundaries that are holding him back.

'Joel, let me tell you something. Every now and then, say "What the fuck." "What the fuck." you freedom. Freedom...brings opportunity. Opportunity makes your future. So...your parents are going out of town. You got the place all to yourself..."What the fuck"...If you can't say can't do it.'

Risky Business, the classic 1983 film that propelled Tom Cruise to super stardom and began his first baby steps toward becoming an OT VI in Scientology. But Curtis ('He's skiing on ONE ski!!') Armstrong? Who remembers him? Who gives him the credit he is due?

No one if you ask me. But I will.

I'll be honoring him aplenty this upcoming weekend, as I take a plunge into VERY uncharted waters, because I recently uttered his famous phrase and took a step I never, EVER thought I would. And I AIN'T talking about carbonated beverages. I licked that like a Tootsie Pop. Totally conquered that bitch. Been five days and I don't miss them.

This? This is different. Allow me to explain.

This coming weekend, the following was GOING to happen. Jen was to take the kids with her to Virgina Beach, accompanying her sister and her sister's hubby and three boys (the Lutz'z) on a vacation there for a week. I was going to take that same time and travel via Lillymobile to Arkansas to see my Mom.

As we inched closer to this date, it began to dawn on the both of us, Jen and I, that we simply cannot have Bennett in situations like this. Hell, maybe never, though I'd rather stay positive and believe that we WILL get there, I do often wonder if that will ever be true.


There really is no real system of control. Without communication there can't be. Unless you are prepared to physically restrain your 3 and a half year old, your options are fairly limited.

And there is SO much he just simply does NOT know. But he's far too large to restrain. It's a quandary we are really having a hard time with. Since his mind is so far behind his body, it affects every single thing we can do together as a family. Hell, it affects every single moment of our lives, to be honest, both home AND when we leave the home.

You don't get to take time off when you have a child like Bennett in the house. You don't really get to put him in front of the TV and catch an hour break to do what you need to do. He doesn't WATCH TV. He explores, he gets into things, he seeks attention, and yet he doesn't really play with toys the way any other kid plays with toys. So there isn't anything you can give him, other than a disc of some kind, which you really SHOULDN'T do, to occupy him.

And you can't really NOT be aware of where he is at ALL times. You have to be prepared for ANYTHING. and I do mean ANYTHING. You have to be constantly vigilant, constantly ON. If you are not, shit happens. It is inevitable. The sad part of it is that the likelihood of some event occurring ALWAYS INCREASES the moment we step outside that door.

Because here we have the house semi-Bennett proof. The world is not.

I say semi-Bennett proof because I can't always proof everything, I can't plan for every contingency. It would be easier if I could explain to him that he can do this or he can't do that and that he would understand it...but that simply is not the way it works right now.

SO...I've watched him take a full-on sprint across the street without a second's hesitation, I've watched him leap off of things that he had no business even being up on top of. I had visions of him not really understanding the concept of salt water, or sand on his hands. And I really could see that this 'vacation' of Jen's was really going to by much more of a burden than anything fun.

'What the fuck, Ken. What the fuck.'

Essentially, I made the offer to stay here, go to my Mom's after they got back, and keep Bennett at home, with me, by myself.

As much as this scares me to have this level of responsibility alone, as much as I didn't want to shift it around on my Mom, as much as I know that Bennett is gonna be freaked and probably have quite a few fits of anger and sadness by not knowing where his Mom is for 6 days, as much as I hate the fact that everything is more separate now than it EVER has been in the simply HAS to be this way.

It's better for Jen, it's better for Carter, it's better for the Lutz's. They will ALL have a much more relaxing, pleasant vacation. It's just a simple fact, as much as it sucks to admit it, but we ALL know this to be true.

Even as I was having my doubts about whether this was the right choice, those doubts faded away completely yesterday afternoon, when we were at Jen's Mom's for dinner. I was downstairs with Carter watching him play LEGO Indiana Jones on their game system, and everybody else was upstairs.

Somehow, Bennett came downstairs and I did not hear him, he went to a section of the basement he didn't belong, and he shattered a fluorescent light bulb. Thankfully, he was not hurt, but the sinking feeling in my stomach as I ran in there to see him surrounded by glass just made me want to scream.

But it also made me feel very, very good about changing the plans. And honestly? I think it will be a very smooth week, I have very little worry about it at all. The boy just does not belong out on a crowded, public beach or in long wait lines at places to eat and so on and so forth at some summer vacation spot.

Maybe he will.


But not today.

Well, I did say 'Tomorrow the world.' last time. Guess I finally nutted up, huh?

'What the fuck.'



  1. I think you are awesome. i hope you have a smooth, pleasantly uneventful week. The force be with you :)

  2. That is awesome. I can't begin to tell you what that will mean to your wife...and, Ken, I KNOW what that will mean to your wife. Damn good job, man...

  3. And after that will you come and watch Pearlsky for a week? ... I need to go to Eastern Europe to check out some mail-order brides ... those mail-order-step-mothers-of-severely-disabled-kids did not work out.

  4. I love you for describing SO well life with Trev. I tell people he needs 100% supervision 100% of the time...but somehow that never seems descriptive enough. I'm going to just start directing them to this post from here forward.

    I have two exceptions to the don't take him anywhere rule. 1) We can go so long as we have a "helper" with us and since we can't find a good volunteer this has yet to pan out Rule #2) Disney World is worth the effort...if not for Trevy than for his siblings. A Stitch cuddle still works wonders on Toby & Bri.


  5. Fantastic!
    I think this is great --- can't wait to hear what you and Bennett each learn from the week!

  6. I have been forced to restrain my son and it is not fun. It's pretty awful. I understand what you mean about the house being more safe than the outside world. When Punkin throws a fit in public or at someone else's house I not only have to worry about him injuring himself, but him breaking everything around him.

    I do think the iPad will be of some help with communication. There's Tap to Talk, which is free, but then there's a much more expensive one as well which would probably be ideal for you guys. I know you have to have him in a place mentally where he won't throw it, though.....

  7. I pray for you and your family ever night. My heart breaks for how difficult life is for you guys, and I hope it is a reminder to others not to take the ease of simple tasks for granted.

    I am still trying to think of the "right" response to give your blog about faith. I am a fairly new Christian, making me also new to sharing my faith eloquently. But, I can feel a blog coming soon that I hope can convey a piece of my faith and how Deacon's epilepsy and blindness has brought us closer to God (and it will be written with you in mind).


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