Tuesday, July 19, 2011
It always sucks when you know you let your Mom down.
Even when your Mom happens to be a warm, understanding person, you still want to kick yourself in the groin when you know you promised her you would do something, and you totally forgot about it. You gotta work up your best pair of puppy-dog-eyes and bowl her over with a Make-Good. Granted, the last couple of weeks, since I got back from her house, I have been really pre-occupied. Overtly stressed. To the max! And not just from what you've seen play out here in these digital pages.
My back disc problems are in overdrive, our issues with the house falling down around our ears remain unsolved due to the financial aspect of trying to fix them, some legal crap and timing. Got some kind of weird shooting pain in my arms that causes my outer fingers on both sides of my hands to eventually tingle and go numb (that's fun).
My throat thing is flaring up again. One of these days I am gonna drop that photo. I'm thinking in addition to the Laryngopharyngeal Reflux I have tonsil stones and that THING was just a gigantic one I gagged out. Last ENT visit (again...the DOCTOR not those big tree guys that walk around and talk really slow) he jams an elongated Q-tip down there and pops out a chunk of broccoli the size of a piece of rice and says that because I have unusually large tonsils I probably get particles trapped in there that start to...oh man...get this...ferment and cause me to have these issues in my throat.
What's interesting about that is the fact that when I went in there it DID feel like I had something in my throat, just as it does right now. But Jen is not really very good at looking down in there and going for any dungeon dwellers. It skeeves her. I don't blame her. Now, my Mom has the personality type. She'd go digging. Even if she made me throw up.
But that's what Mom's are FOR.
The doc said I should probably schedule a tonsillectomy. GREAT. But he's probably right. They are unusually large. And I do often feel like something is in there. I do get sore throats a lot, and right now I've got a doozy. AGAIN.
Waugh, waugh, waugh.
Anyway...what did I forget to do? A friend of mine clued me in on something a while back that is the single coolest thing in the universe. And I was supposed to send my Mom the link. Here ya go Ma...
Yes, friends, it is The Obol. It's a bowl for all the crazies out there, like me, who are very obsessive about their food. I hate it when my pancakes get mushy with syrup, so I dip each bite in a ramekin of syrup I never put anything on the stack itself. I hate it even more when my cereal gets soggy.
So in the past I have taken my cereal in one bowl all by itself, and then, by the spoonful, gently angled a spoonful of the crunchy goodness to allow some milk from another bowl to glide in between the pieces, at which point I bring the freshly dipped concoction up to my eager mouth and begin the chewing process. REPEAT.
Ah, the pure joy.
But the hassle! The time! The trouble! The sideways glances from attractive waitresses at restaurants! The harassing phone calls! The threats against my family! Oh the humanity!
I say to thee NAY! NO LONGER!
Not with OBOL!
This baby is designed from the GET-GO to keep the two entities separated during the entire cereal consumption experience! Can you imagine that? It's the most brilliant invention since...since...since INVENTIONS!
But it doesn't have to just be used for cereal, it can be used for a WIDE VARIETY of other foods! Like Nachos, or Asian Cuisine, and Milk and Cookies. Obol! I FUGGIN' LOVE YOU!!! If I wasn't married I'd be taking you to Vegas right now! I mean LOOK AT YOU! Who wouldn't want to eat out of kitchen ware that looks like a bedpan?
But you know what's the most incredible thing about you, Obol? What actually makes my head hurt when I think about it?
Why...oh WHY...did someone only think of you NOW?
And why didn't I?
Why couldn't I have been born a cat? At least they don't really give a shit about stuff.
Obol® is not responsible for the content or opinions expressed in Blogzilly, and such content does not represent the views of Obol® or any of their affiliates and is the sole responsibility of its author(s), who is absolutely certifiable at this point. He said that. We didn't.