Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Bowled Over


It always sucks when you know you let your Mom down.

Even when your Mom happens to be a warm, understanding person, you still want to kick yourself in the groin when you know you promised her you would do something, and you totally forgot about it. You gotta work up your best pair of puppy-dog-eyes and bowl her over with a Make-Good. Granted, the last couple of weeks, since I got back from her house, I have been really pre-occupied. Overtly stressed. To the max! And not just from what you've seen play out here in these digital pages.

My back disc problems are in overdrive, our issues with the house falling down around our ears remain unsolved due to the financial aspect of trying to fix them, some legal crap and timing. Got some kind of weird shooting pain in my arms that causes my outer fingers on both sides of my hands to eventually tingle and go numb (that's fun).


My throat thing is flaring up again. One of these days I am gonna drop that photo. I'm thinking in addition to the Laryngopharyngeal Reflux I have tonsil stones and that THING was just a gigantic one I gagged out. Last ENT visit (again...the DOCTOR not those big tree guys that walk around and talk really slow) he jams an elongated Q-tip down there and pops out a chunk of broccoli the size of a piece of rice and says that because I have unusually large tonsils I probably get particles trapped in there that start to...oh man...get this...ferment and cause me to have these issues in my throat.

NICE.

What's interesting about that is the fact that when I went in there it DID feel like I had something in my throat, just as it does right now. But Jen is not really very good at looking down in there and going for any dungeon dwellers. It skeeves her. I don't blame her. Now, my Mom has the personality type. She'd go digging. Even if she made me throw up.


But that's what Mom's are FOR.

The doc said I should probably schedule a tonsillectomy. GREAT. But he's probably right. They are unusually large. And I do often feel like something is in there. I do get sore throats a lot, and right now I've got a doozy. AGAIN.

Waugh, waugh, waugh.

Anyway...what did I forget to do? A friend of mine clued me in on something a while back that is the single coolest thing in the universe. And I was supposed to send my Mom the link. Here ya go Ma...


Yes, friends, it is The Obol. It's a bowl for all the crazies out there, like me, who are very obsessive about their food. I hate it when my pancakes get mushy with syrup, so I dip each bite in a ramekin of syrup I never put anything on the stack itself. I hate it even more when my cereal gets soggy.

So in the past I have taken my cereal in one bowl all by itself, and then, by the spoonful, gently angled a spoonful of the crunchy goodness to allow some milk from another bowl to glide in between the pieces, at which point I bring the freshly dipped concoction up to my eager mouth and begin the chewing process. REPEAT.


Ah, the pure joy.

But the hassle! The time! The trouble! The sideways glances from attractive waitresses at restaurants! The harassing phone calls! The threats against my family! Oh the humanity!

I say to thee NAY! NO LONGER!

Not with OBOL!

This baby is designed from the GET-GO to keep the two entities separated during the entire cereal consumption experience! Can you imagine that? It's the most brilliant invention since...since...since INVENTIONS!


But it doesn't have to just be used for cereal, it can be used for a WIDE VARIETY of other foods! Like Nachos, or Asian Cuisine, and Milk and Cookies. Obol! I FUGGIN' LOVE YOU!!! If I wasn't married I'd be taking you to Vegas right now! I mean LOOK AT YOU! Who wouldn't want to eat out of kitchen ware that looks like a bedpan?

But you know what's the most incredible thing about you, Obol? What actually makes my head hurt when I think about it?

Why...oh WHY...did someone only think of you NOW?

And why didn't I?

DAMMIT!!!

Why couldn't I have been born a cat? At least they don't really give a shit about stuff.


OUT.







Obol® is not responsible for the content or opinions expressed in Blogzilly, and such content does not represent the views of Obol® or any of their affiliates and is the sole responsibility of its author(s), who is absolutely certifiable at this point. He said that. We didn't.

11 comments:

  1. love the bowl. The arm thing sounds like what my mom had a few years back. She did this home traction thing for a while and then had spinal fusion in her neck.much better now.

    I meant that to be helpful but as I re-read it it sound like kind of a downer. . .

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  2. I thought I was the only one who dipped their pancakes and hated soggy cereal! I don't do the multiple bowls for cereal, I just eat it really, really fast. It starts to get soggy by the time I'm getting to the end. It would be nice to be able to slowly eat my delicious crunchy cereal though!

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  3. Certifiable indeed. And whats up with the little handle-y thing on the bottom of the bowl? Does that mean you can set it on a table AND easily hold it?

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  5. Holy crapola. I saw that thing at some gift-shop recently and wondered who in the hell would buy it.

    Now I know.

    :)

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  6. Well that's why I stopped eating soup. I was always doing dishes, one for the broth, one for the chicken, carrots, rice....

    I kid, I kid, I love soup.

    As for the bowl -- awesome. I'm not as picky about the crunchiness of my cereal but I can see so many uses for that thing.

    Hope all the other stuff gets worked out and that you feel better soon.

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  7. I suffered from freaky tonsils for years before I plucked up the courage to have them taken out. It wasn't really the greatest thing immediately post surgery, but a couple of years down the line I can say it's been the BEST thing. No more sore throats, and I don't get sick as much cause my poor immune system isn't always busy with my skanky tonsils.

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  8. Bunch of stuff:
    1. I never went for more than 2 months without a sore throat when I was growing up. Finally when I was 16, the doctor said it was time to take my tonsils out. Since then, and that was a loooooooooong time ago, I’ve had strep once and no other throat infections. It’s been amazing. If you go this route, get ready for a week or two of mashed potatoes, yogurt, ice cream…all guilt-free. Do not ---- I repeat: DO NOT rush back into real food no matter how much you want that grilled cheese sandwich at IHOP…because the crunch part of the bread will get stuck in the newly landscaped throaty parts and you’ll wriggle your tongue to try to free it and will pop your sutures and there will be blood everywhere and they’ll have to get you to the hospital and put a big ol’ slotted spoon in your mouth to pry it open and then SEW UP YOUR THROAT again while you’re conscious. I do not recommend it. Stick with the ice cream.
    2. The numbness in your pinky and ring fingers is because the nerve is getting impinged either where it exits the vertebrae in your neck or as it travels down your arm (often in the elbow). If I talk about physical therapy, I know you’ll roll your eyes and remind me that you’re way too strapped for cash and time for that…so…in lieu of that try this: 1) sit up straight…stand up straight. Watch your posture always. 2) Ice your neck and elbow -- 20 minutes on, 20 minutes off -- to reduce inflammation. 3) Avoid having your elbows bent for long stretches of time, like sitting at a keyboard – move around more, change the set up of your computer -- or when you sleep – cut the toes out of tube socks and wear these on your elbows to make it less comfy to bend them. I’m not a doctor, but I play one in your comments section…

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  9. The way you described adding the milk to your cereal kind of reminded me of the old days of reading the "letters" section in a certain magazine: "You'll never believe this but I swear it's true..." Is that a reflection on me? Or do you have a REAL thing for food?

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  10. Emma:
    Nah it's helpful. I’ll have to look into all options sooner rather than later. Best to know what all the possibilities are.

    Beth:
    Now you can! And I used to try the fast eating thing, but I would just spill it or (now I know) I would lodge stuff in my throat.

    Kevin Jordan:
    I guess that is what the handle is for. Either that or for playing 'Invaders from Mars!'

    Single Dad:
    I worry about ME.

    Comment Deleted:
    D'OH!!! I hope it was a nasty one!

    Elizabeth:
    Mwuhahahahahahahaha!!!

    pressuresupport:
    Now THAT'S funny. Now I wonder what the Ultimate Soup Bowl looks like....

    Jacinta:
    I am really leaning towards full frontal yankage.

    Kim:
    You know me...since when do I rush into ANYTHING? Except maybe trouble. As for the posture thing, I do agree with all that, and will try to make some changes. I don't have the elbow braces though. Hell I just got used to sliding down my bed every night since I angled it. I shift around so much I feel like all the debris floating on the Orca at the end of Jaws.

    Dora's Daddy:
    Whoa, whoa....slow down, Tex. I have a problem with a few foods. I don't have YOUR issues with consumables my friend! You did notice my GIRTH the last time we met?

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