Thursday, July 14, 2011

I'm Taking My Blog Back

For the past couple of week's I have had an enormous amount of eye-opening experiences. It's been unreal. Surreal.

My Mom has always wanted me to write a book. There are two I really, really, really want to write. One is the life story of SingleDad, who is, seriously, an unbelievable guy who has a life I simply must write a book about. He's been one of many digital beacons of light for me the last couple of weeks, when all of the other lights have gone out.

The other book is the story of all of...OMG, I don't even know what to CALL this experience, so I won't call it anything. I'll just call it THIS. THIS has been transformative for me in so many ways I can't even begin to describe. And believe it or not, I am not even going to try right now, as is my usual nature.

I want my blog back. So I'm taking it back. As of today. I laid out a rough framework for what will be the main site for the Mission: iPossible home. It's rough, expect many a visual change along the way, and it is a very satirized 'homagey' logo to the original TV show that a lot of people will be too young to even pick up on, but it's ready to start receiving some data. That's where any discussions of THIS will happen after this blog post is written and posted.

It is there you will hear more about Heather and her involvement in really getting the whole ball rolling on THIS. You know that scene in the opening of Raiders of the Lost Ark when Indiana Jones is running away from the boulder in the Hovitos temple? Imagine Heather wedged back there somewhere...kicking the rock.

How ironic is it that I stumbled on THAT reference, since the Hovitos were keeping their fertility idol in that temple, and Heather is a mother of six? She is also kind of the DeFacto Den Mother of our little group.

You'll also hear more about Darcy and Maureen, two delightful people that, together, in case you had not pieced together all the clues and hints (or outright admissions) by now, were the identity of the crusader known as SNAvenger. People have questioned the methods of this identity. And you know what? It's OK that you did.

No one questioned the methods of this identity more than those two women, both Mothers, both concerned citizens. Two of the most loving, compassionate people you'd ever hope to meet and with an edgy sense of humor that puts mine to shame. Talk about simpatico.

But they saw a situation spiraling out of control, and while I am reticent to speak FOR them, having spoken to both of them I will say that neither of them were ever comfortable. WHO WOULD BE? THIS was a crappy situation for everybody, but sometimes drastic measures are needed.

SNAvenger is gone now. Dead. Services no longer required. And remember...'You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.'

These women are heroes, and despite what you might think or have thought about their initial approach, which Maureen spoke about quite a bit in some of the exchanges she had on the blog Love That Max!, it is my opinion that they deserve more respect than reproach. In the comments section of Ellen's post regarding THIS that turned out to be maybe the longest, wildest and craziest read in the history of the Blogoverse, they took some hits and got some bruises, and they may take some even now and I have to tell you that from this point forward none of us will get involved in a debate over the right or wrong of it.

If a person chooses to feel a certain way about it, who is anybody else to try to force them to feel otherwise? Opinion is your right, option is your right, and we are not here to debate you on it. All of us, during the course of THIS, have followed our hearts.

Nothing more.

All of us have had the best intentions. None of us are perfect, or have claimed to be. We are human beings after all. And besides...has it not been debated enough?

For example...I peeked at Love That Max’s blog yesterday and had another eye-opening experience, one I really needed to have. Finally, in all of this, someone questioned ME. Whether a ‘Ken Lilly’ was an alias of the original contest host.

I’m trying to put into words what it felt like, for the record, because I have also been guilty through all of THIS in making accusations and being suspicious. I wasn’t angry. I was a little surprised, and a little hurt, but I understood it.

My stomach felt weird.

You know how you feel right before you took a test in high school or college that you weren’t ready for? To this day seeing a #2 pencil makes me WANNA Number Two. Felt like that in my gut. And I wasn’t really damaged by it either. This woman doesn’t really know me, our paths have had no reason to cross, even though ironically we do read some of the same blogs.

I could have jumped into the fray, posted a comment and mixed it up. But I don't WANT that anymore. I don't NEED that. And luckily, someone had my back. Someone should always have your back.

What I thought about the most is how open I have been in the past 2+ years about my life on this blog, and how vulnerable I have allowed myself to be. I never in a million years thought anyone would take advantage of that. SO many wife, my mom, my real-life friends, all warned me about doing it, and I always said that I had to stay true to myself. And I have never doubted what I was doing or how I was doing it.

Until now.

But that's something I will have to come to terms with. It is up to me to find out what the right 'balance' actually is.

We all have a lot to wrestle with, a lot of healing to do, a lot of debris to clean up. And like I have said before, some of that is just going to take time. And some of that is going to take real work. Real focus. Focus away from THIS and on to other things. Things like the project, and things like re-organizing our energies BACK to that which we care about the most, whatever those things happen to be.

And so, I am hereby taking my blog back. The project will continue over at the MiP blog. Tomorrow I will get back to basics here and move on with MY life.

It's time.



  1. The one good thing I can say about this WHOLE mess is finding new bloggy friends. Can't wait to read what your REAL blog entries will be! :)

  2. Ken thank you for that every time I read your blog I feel a little better about all this craziness. I'm also looking forward to your real blog entries especially your jokes.

  3. Yep, time to move on. We may never know the full truth, and for me, that has to be ok. I have enough to occupy my time.

    My husband and I have talked about finding a way to press charges, but I don't even have time to think about that although I would ride someone else's coattails. :)

    I'm also looking forward to reading your blog, Ken.

  4. You know, to hear that you feel better about it, even in the smallest way, is GREAT to know. As The Mouth, that's been my main goal/role/function in all of THIS, to try to be as calming and nurturing as I could offer, and a buffer between what I consider the harder work that was going on that you could NOT see that I wasn't involved in.

    And isn't that ironic? That I'm the dude, who has an admittedly off the wall, slightly weird sense of humor, makes fart jokes, talks about things that some people call TMI, taking on the role of the calm, re-assuring one while essentially Charlie's Angels are kicking ass and taking names?

    I find that kind of fascinating in a way.

    I wish it wasn't too late to switch careers...

  5. Oops, sorry I missed you Deb. We were typing same time.

    Don't worry about the charges part, though. There are a LOT of people who have filed, through IC3, their local police departments, through Fairfax County, it's gone viral and it is widespread. Hell I know one person who has a brother in the FBI who he got on it. Not sure what he'll DO, but at least he KNOWS.

    Will justice be served? Maybe. Maybe not. The cynic in me thinks not. The dreamer in me hopes so.

    Will we ALL be better prepared for anything like this to be unleashed on us again? I'm, YES. :)

  6. How anyone could ever possibly think they could make someone up like you is beyond me :) I have been following you for almost 2 years when our son had some seizures at 9 months old. Following your life helped me keep going and keep things in perspective (believe it or not). Don't ever doubt what you are doing or how you write. I have no doubt you could write an awesome book.

    Love what you all are doing and love the new Mission iPossible site.

    Also can't believe that Darcy and Maureen were SN Avenger!! People had me thinking it was, you know, MW....

    Finally, nice Raider's reference. Don't think I wan't to meet Heather in a dark alley.

    Kevin Jordan

  7. When I saw that question on Ellen's blog about your identity, I burst out laughing and was tempted to just write: "Step the fuck back" so that you'd see it, but then I just shut my mouth which is what I've done since this whole thing began. I've been through many a blog imbroglio -- usually about politics -- and just couldn't stomach it this time around, other than as a passive observer. I'm glad you're moving on with your own blog. I've missed you. How's Bennett?

  8. Right on, Ken!!

    Love the references, especially the Indiana Jones one ;P Quite fitting, really.

    I've been a lurker for... err... WAY too long on everyone's blogs. (At least 2 years, geez, crazy. I'm a student studying psych, hoping to work with kids who have unique differences).

    I second what Kevin said. How could someone make up a person like you? ;P Will be adding the MiP page to my bookmarks.

  9. YEAH. Not that you haven't managed to keep your sense of humor throughout this insanity.

    The comments on that post were getting crazier and crazier, I had to stop reading. I was half expecting someone to say that SN Avenger was Jimmy Hoffa.

    Welcome back, Blogzilly.


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