Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Lando the Lost

Calrissian said it best.

'Yes he's alive...and in perfect hibernation.'

Barely. If you managed to sneak a photo of me of late, I might actually be on my back, hands up, palms forward, with a grimace on my face, awaiting transport to Jabba the Hutt. I feel frozen.

Lots of reasons why.

And frankly, I am not really ready to take a bite out of it yet. You ever get like that? Any of you that blog I mean? You just have a whole shitload of stuff that you have that is jacking you up and you want to release it, but you just can't and until you do there just isn't anything you can really do in THIS space that will satisfy?

It's freaky.

BUT...I get e-mails. I even get calls now. People thinking I may be dead or something. Throat does feel like shit though I can tell you that. Went to the ENT yesterday, and he explained it to me. Gave me the skinny. See, the Lord did not see fit to give me exaggerated height, big feet or an elongated...sense of self. No, the only enlarged thing on me I got, other than my gut (well, actually, I think that one is MY fault) is an over-sized set of tonsils.

SO large, says the ENT, that the holes he cut are still in some earlier stages of healing from the 'inside-up' as he called it. Which is why there is still pain, still discomfort, still a fucked-up burned flesh taste in my mouth and a generally poor disposition.

And he tells me that it will still be quite a while for this whole shitty mess to heal up since, his words...'You have, well, HAD, some of the biggest tonsils I've ever seen.'


And since I am feeling generally crappy about my pathetic existence and where I am in LIFE overall after having turned 44 yesterday, or rather...where I am NOT in LIFE...I am going to show why this WHOLE thing started in the first place.

Now, you don't HAVE to look...that's the beauty of it.

But I am going to post the photos of what I call 'The Thing' that was stuck in one of my tonsils for days until one afternoon, and I can't remember exactly when this was but it was maybe last winter, I used a bunch of menthol stuff and other techniques you do NOT want to hear about to get myself to gag 'The Thing' out.

If you click the images below, you will see it.


It was not totally soft, not totally hard either. When I squeezed it, it would not break apart. It had mass. The ENT, when shown the photos later, said it was a tonsil stone that had begun to get fungal/bacterial. And you do NOT want to know what the smell was like. It was...unfathomable.

It was this unholy terror that got me seeing the aforementioned ENT and on a path toward discovery of my LPR and the fact that I had these giant tonsils that, he told me when I first met him, had 'gills'. The gills just kept getting bigger, because stuff like 'The Thing' would get trapped in there, and stay small at first...then...grow...if I did not expel them.

Yup...welcome to HELL, Fish-Boy!!!

But the Gilly's are gone now. Hopefully that won't be happening again.

I will just be glad when I can yawn and it doesn't feel like someone is sticking a fist down my throat.



  1. Ewww! That was awesome. My friend used to scrape what she said looked like cottage cheese out of her throat until one day an adult saw her and told her, "Honey, that ain't normal."

    It took me three weeks to get better from my tonsillectomy when I was 17. Good luck, internet friend.

  2. Happy Birthday. Maybe that should have been your wish on your candles "please make it feel better than swallowing a fist when I yawn" may have been a new one.

  3. Those pictures, my friend, were way worse than I expected. Way, way.

  4. THAT was wonderfully nasty! Thanks for sharing and I'm so happy that....well, whatever the hell it was isn't living in your throat anymore. Sure hope you start feeling better soon.

  5. Good God, Ken. It looked like a fetus. And I can't believe I clicked on them. Like a fly to shit -- that's me.

    I do hope you heal fast and start feeling better soon in every way.

  6. You should get back into it by doing a fun post on Fruitless Pursuits!

  7. Glad you're back --- and in honor of your return to my screen I clicked every single image. Amazing!

    Sorry you're ouchie...sorry your brain is paralyzed with so much to say but no fuel to post. Things will get better...and I hope sooner rather than later.

    Take care!

  8. I really kind of wish I hadn't clicked on those pics now, but as Elizabeth said, "Like a fly to ..."

    Glad to hear you are still alive and on the mend though. And hey, its football season!


  9. Wow wow wow! I am SO glad for you that those tonsil stones are gone, along with your gilled gigantic tonsils. I think they'd have given me nightmares. Gosh, I'm sorry for the very delayed recovery Ken. You've got to start feeling better soon! Keeping you in my prayers.

  10. That was gross! The last one especially!

    Feel better soon! And I have decided that ALL of the 40's are quite young, so don't sweat it.

  11. Thank god I was blessed with an elongated different body part ... wanna see a picture?

  12. Dude. Those pictures changed me. Forever.

  13. It changed ME forever.

    What shocked me, based on the Outclick stat, was how much Curiosity really got the better of people.


You Are a Beautiful Blank Page...Do You Have a Great Pencil?

Christmas is over. That sound you hear is my sigh of relief. The tree is not actually down, as the opening image suggests. That was a t...