500? Does it Matter Anymore?
People are starting to worry about me.
I had hoped to write something very cool for post #500. Ain't gonna happen.
I can only describe my son Bennett's behavior as manic. Almost maniacal at times. Aggressive and then wildly giddy. And Carter? I feel like he just slips away from me...day after day. He doesn't really understand why things are the way they are with Bennett. I wouldn't either at his age.
It's fucking insanity in this house right now. On all fronts. I have something wrong with my eyelids now. Meibomianitis. Yeah...that's a new thing. Just found out.
Apparently, all the dry skin from my forehead has, over the past year, collected on my wet eyelashes from having had too many days of teary eyes, and the natural bacteria in my eyes have feasted, so my pores in my eyelids are all clogged.
Our Home Health Aide's mom passed away on Sunday. Lost her battle with Cancer. She is like a part of the family, which in and of itself is bad cause you feel bad for her. But then she needs time away...and hence, our stress level doth rise because we are floundering.
We cannot get Bennett seen by ANY local behavioral psychologist. And we've tried them all. A few places have tried to refer us to the hospital here in town that fucked him up in the first place. Eventually I got tired of telling that story to uninterested people.
So what the FUCK is it going to be tomorrow?
I'm just pissed, what can I say? I'm in a bad place, that's just the way it is. So yeah...everybody who has sent me messages, saying they are worried...this time?
You have every right to be. For a while.
But I will get past it and climb over these humps too. It will just take some time.