Thursday, January 26, 2012

500? Does it Matter Anymore?

People are starting to worry about me.


I had hoped to write something very cool for post #500. Ain't gonna happen.

I can only describe my son Bennett's behavior as manic. Almost maniacal at times. Aggressive and then wildly giddy. And Carter? I feel like he just slips away from after day. He doesn't really understand why things are the way they are with Bennett. I wouldn't either at his age.

It's fucking insanity in this house right now. On all fronts. I have something wrong with my eyelids now. Meibomianitis. Yeah...that's a new thing. Just found out.

Apparently, all the dry skin from my forehead has, over the past year, collected on my wet eyelashes from having had too many days of teary eyes, and the natural bacteria in my eyes have feasted, so my pores in my eyelids are all clogged.

Our Home Health Aide's mom passed away on Sunday. Lost her battle with Cancer. She is like a part of the family, which in and of itself is bad cause you feel bad for her. But then she needs time away...and hence, our stress level doth rise because we are floundering.

We cannot get Bennett seen by ANY local behavioral psychologist. And we've tried them all. A few places have tried to refer us to the hospital here in town that fucked him up in the first place. Eventually I got tired of telling that story to uninterested people.

So what the FUCK is it going to be tomorrow?

I'm just pissed, what can I say? I'm in a bad place, that's just the way it is. So yeah...everybody who has sent me messages, saying they are worried...this time?

You have every right to be. For a while.

But I will get past it and climb over these humps too. It will just take some time.



  1. How can we help? I am wracking my brains wondering whether you could contact a national autism organization or epilepsy foundation?

  2. keep it together. YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS

  3. KEN LISTEN TO ME...if there is anything I can do you know I can be at your place in no time. I have helpers now at the store so I am flexible. Anything. Call me.

  4. Look at the love here Ken. I so wish that it were enough my friend. I really and truly wish that it were enough.

    Thinking of you all and sending hope across the miles that the tide will turn soon. It just has to.

  5. I am sending hugs, too. But virtual ones, the thought of actually hugging you, well, gives me the willies.

    And if you need anything, I too can get to your place. It may take a couple of hours or a day or two, and I sure as hell ain't gonna hug you when I get there (see "willies" above), but I will explain to you all the ways you are a loser.

    That will eat up about 2 seconds, if not less.

    Then maybe a quick hug. Just watch your hands, pal. I don't give freebies.

  6. I don't know if you are interested, but my old church in Westerville has a weekly Sunday service with child care provided by folks trained to handle special needs children. The parents also benefit from getting to have a little time to just sit and recoup during the Church service knowing their child is close and in good hands. My friend Adam takes his autistic daughter there, I think you met him when we were working out at my condo's gym. He is a great guy and would be someone who could help you walk through the acclimation process.

  7. Oh yeah its the Columbus Vineyard on Cooper road if you want to give them a call.

  8. K, have you considered his recent change in behavior could be due to this?

    " Biologically, at around age four, boys experience an upward spike in testosterone levels for around a year."

    Kinda hard to man the ship when the waves keep tossing you overboard. I hear you.

    Peace be the journey


  9. So wishing I could help. The best I can do is comment on your blog and tell you I am thinking of you and your family. You will make it, I know you will. I just wish is wasn't so awful right now.

  10. Been thinking about you and your family. Wish there were a way for us to help. I suppose South Carolina is too far away to help with respite care, and for all you know, we could be a bunch of creepers (well, we are from South Carolina after all). I'm at a loss for what to offer but will keep pondering. Let us know how your are.


  11. Someone here suggested some sort of respite care... not sure what's available where you are, but the Epilepsy Foundation would be a good place to start. I'm thinking of you and your family. Hang in there.

  12. My heart hurts for you, Ken. I'm sorry. Hang in there. Sending love and prayers for you, Bennett and all!

  13. I'd like to thank everybody for their well wishes and support. Means a lot. I've been kind of floundering about trying to figure out what course to set. Still not sure really, and the truth is I am not sure I ever really WILL know.

    Maybe that's part of it, yeah?

    Anyway, I'll have an update soon on where things stand, and in the meantime in case any of you all subscribed to this comments section when you left your notes, I wanted to reach out and give a big squeeze right back at you.

    Especially the ladies, cause you know me, always trying to cop a cheapie...(though SD probably gets one too, frankly...)


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