Friday, May 4, 2012

More Fun Butt Stories

Yes I know, they make people uncomfortable.

But this one is short and not nearly as intense as the one that involved my visit to the Emergency Room. Besides, it is just another example of how, when you are in a slump, things just have a way of going...the wrong way.

I have this ongoing issue with pain in my back. You know about that. Also in my groin and in my hips. It sucks. Blah. Blah. And a little more Blah.

I caved in a while ago and got on some strong pain medication while we try and figure out What The Hell is Wrong With Me. Besides all the stuff we know is wrong with me by reading the lunacy you see here within these pages on a semi-regular basis.

Tried some Physical Therapy. On that eval my spine showed scoliosis and my pelvis is being pulled by my right ass muscles outward and upward. No results of a positive nature during therapy which consisted of electricity, heat, cold, even traction and of course stretches and the like. Oh, and the gentle touch of a man's hands on my buttocks.

Got an MRI. Showed a bulging disc into that giant white Giger-esque Alien thingie going down my back, and some kind of other bulging and deterioration on the LEFT side. Oddly enough, not a lot of PAIN on the left side of my legs, though I often do feel as if both FEET are dipped in red-hot liquid magma quite often. After the last doc visit, he did that thing where you tap a knee and other areas of an appendage with that mallet doohickie, and to my chagrin I now have a significantly diminished reflex response in my left leg.

That explains the MRI findings, not the ever increasing pain in my groin, right hip and occasional left hip and the tendency for Mr. Right Gonad to go up and hang out inside my torso for a while each day.

Anyway, long story short (TOO LATE!), the plan is to see a Neuro Ortho type doc, which I see next Monday, and in the meantime manage the pain with the meds.

So I realize I am about to run out of the pain meds, and I call the Nurse's line like I have have in the past and request a refill on the pain medication, and can they please call it in to the pharmacy. Last time I did this it was no problem at all. I ran out today so I was anxious to get it. This shit hurts like a...well, like a MUFUGGA.

I call the Pharmacy to see if the office had called in the prescription. The nice lady said 'Oh yes, but we don't have the ability to get it here until Monday.' I was VERY surprised by that, this is a VERY common medication. I said 'Really? Why? This isn't an uncommon medication at all, I don't understand, what did they phone in? It was supposed to soem Vicodin for my back pain.'

Her voice suddenly got very quiet. 'Oh, this is a rectal cream. It does provide some pain relief though when you put it on, though.'


I explained to her that this was not what I needed and asked her to please cancel the prescription. And so now I will be waiting until Monday, in a decent amount of pain, to call the doctor's office to try to figure out how in the name of Hell the Nurse managed to misunderstand this particular request, especially when I WAS JUST THERE LAST WEEK and the Vicodin is the only medication they have called in lately.

This wasn't as bad as when they sent my blood work to the wrong lab last year and cost me $1100.00, but I may think so come Sunday night. the, um, is kinda funny.



  1. OMG! your pictures always crack me up! Is that a real ass?? haha yeah cant say Id be too thrilled if Butt cream was called into the pharmacy instead of my meds! I remember getting this cream after madie was born thinking it was an antibiotic cream for my "minor surgery" even used it on a cutt! Come to learn later on it was hemroid cream. SIGH. :) Hope you feel better!!

  2. I keep hoping for you to catch a break. Thanks for putting the funny spin on a not-so-funny situation. And that first picture cracks me up.

    And I crack myself up because I didn't catch that pun until I had typed it. Ha! Ha!

  3. Jamie:
    I think it is a nut or gord or fruit or something. But it looks like a butt don't it?

    I'm in a slump, plain and simple. It is a slump that seems to be isolated to me though, which is OK. By that I mean those around me seem to be immune to having my stink rub off on them. Hope it continues tomorrow when Bennett has his MRI. Probably will.

  4. Glad those around you are immune so far. But that doesn't really make it much better for you. Hope Bennett's MRI goes well.

  5. Hope the MRI goes well for Bennett today and also that you get your meds. I can't imagine being in pain like that all the time. And that top picture does look freakishly like a real butt.

  6. I think it would have been funny if you had argued with the nice lady at the pharmacist a little longer before you clarified the medication:

    K: "You've got to be kidding...I'm in real pain here!"
    NL: "I'm sorry sir, we just can't get that medication here till Monday."
    K: "But what am I supposed to do in the meantime?"
    NL: "Maybe a cool bath?"
    K: "Let me describe this pain to you."
    NL: "Oh no sir, that won't be necessary."
    K: "You're really starting to be a pain in the a**!"
    NL: "Another one?"
    K: "Another what?"
    NL: "Just wait till the cream gets here."
    K: "Wait a minute...what cream?"'s finals week.


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