Monday, May 21, 2012
Bad weekends? I've had a few.
Were I to rank this past weekend, while it would not take the top slot, I'm fairly sure it would break into the top 5. As I sit here, contemplating the events in the quiet aftermath of it all, attempting to maintain a perspective on Life and Everything That Comes Along With It, there are parts of me that wonder what I will be like in 5 years. In 10. In 15.
If my mood and my being is so tightly bound to Bennett, how bitter and angry will I be by that time? How resentful?
If things do not change, I think I will not recognize the person sitting in this chair, writing these words. There are times today that I look at the guy from three years ago who started this thing and I don't know who that person is either.
Jen and I decided not to give Bennett any more Strattera today. According to the label, the website and any other 'official' info, it takes 4-6 weeks to have any effect. Well, not according to message boards, forums and blogs. And you and I both know, that is where The Truth exists in our world. Not anywhere else. Well, except when it involves rabbits. But hey, there are exceptions to every rule. Waddya gonna do?
You can add this blog to anecdotal evidence to the contrary to the official statement of how long it takes for Strattera to have any effect on the Human Body.
If this drug takes 4-6 weeks to take effect, how do you explain that within 2-3 hours of Bennett taking it he was walking around in a near Zombie-state? And, how do you explain his laying himself down on the floor Saturday afternoon for a nap, something he has not done in months? And not LATE afternoon, we are talking around 1-2, when he is usually asking over and over about wanting to go outside.
If this drug takes 4-6 weeks to take effect, how do you explain that Saturday evening and nearly all day Sunday he was more Self-Abusive and aggressive than I have seen him in his entire short life? His arms were so bitten and chewed on, and must have hurt him so much that even he would show them to me as if he wanted me to fix them somehow, or as if he was pleading with me to somehow stop him from doing it.
But the truth was, he was so batshit crazy nobody could really calm him down for very long. And Jen and I both tried again and again and again. I had to completely remove many items from many rooms, things he usually leaves completely alone.
Why? Because he was either throwing them into the walls or up in the air (not seeming to care if they landed on his head). Even the iPad, when it would frustrate him, he would just slam it into his face.
Christ, I'm tired.
Not sure what the next step is. Can't tell you. Have no idea. We're re-investigating some Behavioral Health options for Bennett, and we have to still find Carter some help as far as a Therapist. Other than that, there isn't a whole lot we can do other than take it day by day. Plug the holes as they continue to bleed and try to find some small piece of joy in something, somewhere.
Though lately, it is like trying to find a needle in a stack of needles.