Wednesday, June 6, 2012

A Full Day

Yesterday was Carter's last day of the 1st Grade.

Was a bit of a busy day. Got Bennett up to SBSA early as usual after Carter caught the bus for the last time as a First Grader, then booked over to my Psychiatrist's office. Enjoy some photos of Carter's last day as a First Grader as I talk mostly about mental illness. I know, I have no idea how to stay focused. Why do you think I don't try writing a book? Like I have always said. Decent Blogger, not a great 'writer'.

Anyway, get this...I will now be taking the drug that Bennett is currently taking. Lamictal. Crazy, huh?

I don't do well with typical anti-depressants, so he's been trying me on Bipolar meds. Instead of upping the Topamax which he did before and the end result was that my arms and legs were tingling and numb, a small part of the ongoing Lilly Medical Daytime Drama (that was solved), he is switching me to a different med used to treat Bi-Polar Disorder, that being Lamictal.

So in addition to having Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Panic Disorder and Major Depressive Disorder in your Anxiety Soup you also have Bipolar Disorder?

Look, I'll tell you what I told my wide-eyed wife when she was asking me if I was Bipolar when she saw the new scrip for Lamictal and the look behind those big, brown beautiful orbs was REALLY saying 'Jesus H., what the FUCK have I gotten myself into!?!'

You have to be very, very careful with labels.

I mean, to be honest, you could say that because I do some very quirky things like, say, I can't have any stereo when it has a digital setting on any number that doesn't end on 5 or any TV sound volume not end in an even number and weird shit like that as Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, but my feeling is, why go down that road? Same with saying I could now being classified as 'Bipolar'.

The fact is, traditional depression medication usually results in a Sith and a Jedi whizzing two lightsabers at each other inside my head. And while you would think someone like me would LOVE that, trust me, it is a side effect that can be monumentally distracting. And I have tried a LOT of anti-depressant medications that result in that very thing.

But the other fact is that I need to be on some meds. Because right now I am reliving my childhood on a daily basis, and it is belching up feelings in me that I can't process easily on my own.

I can't stand violence inflicted on loved ones. But I watch it unfold each day with this issue with Bennett. And it makes things inside me go haywire. I don't like it. When my Doc tried Topamax, and when he increased the dosage, I actually FELT better, mentally. And with the exception of the loss of control of my limbs, it was great. So that was something to go on. And if that means we try another med that is from the Bipolar world, so be it.

And who knows? Maybe some of my affliction teeters on the brink of the Bipolar world. Who cares? The human brain is funky. What's even funkier is that Lamictal is used to treat Epilepsy. Just like Topamax. That is just super freaky to me.

But back to what matter's most. From the Psychiatrist's office I went to Carter's school and had lunch with him, a tradition at Big Walnut Elementary on the last day, then drove him over to his Day Care to spend the rest of the afternoon. Then back up to SBSA to pick up Bennett in a couple of hours, then Bennett to his grandparents, then back here. Then Jen, Carter and I went out to dinner to celebrate making it through First Grade and then we went to TRU and picked him up a little gift. We had a ton of fun at dinner, it was a blast and Carter loves it when we go out. He needs it, badly, in these trying times.

Then back home to a TV that was fixed earlier in the day when the new lamp arrived and I watched the Celtics embarrass the Heat. (I've started getting into basketball lately. I kind of needed to pick up a second sport.)

I watched most of it laying on the floor. By that time my back/hips were so bad I just couldn't sit anymore, and standing wasn't a thrill either. Wish the CT Scanning people would call. Waiting for this shit sucks. But waiting is all you can do. Certainly can't do the ER thing again. Had to set the bill for that up on a payment plan. I think next time I'll just ride out any chest pains. No more ER visits for me.

But all in all? A nice day. The only thing that would have made the day better would have been if we could have done the evening WITH Bennett, as a family.

THAT would have been perfect.



  1. First of all, congratulations on the graduation! And I'm glad that you had a lovely evening and understand how it would have been better with Bennett. I get that, totally.

    As for Lamictal -- I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I'm sure you know, already, that nearly all drugs developed FIRST for epilepsy have uses for mental health diagnoses. Sophie was on Lamictal for nearly seven years, and she had few if any of the side effects that it's known for. I can't say it helped too much with the seizures, but I do remember the doctor telling us that it gave people a sense of "well-being" when they were on it. HA! Here's to some sense of well-being for you.

  2. Congratulations to Carter!!! and to you and Jen for making the moments for Carter tonight.

  3. Congratulations to Carter! He is such a cutie pie!

    And good luck with the new drug (great, now I'm singing Huey Lewis in my head). I am not a big one for labels, but what works works and what doesn't doesn't. Hope this one works for you.

    And although it is a bummer that you couldn't do that with Bennett, I think it was super that you had a bit of time with Carter by himself. I think we each have to strike our own balance and not get too caught up in having our kids all together all the time, as much as we would love to. I am finally starting to catch on to the fact that sometimes Tim (and mom) is much happier when he stays with Grandma during a "fun" event that is not fun at all to him (and therefore frustrating to me.) Just tonight he acted as if I was torturing him when I "made" him eat a bite of ice cream sandwich. I finally gave up and ate the ice cream sandwish myself. Tim was happier and I got a second ice cream sandwich. We both won.

  4. I actually do that with digital volumes as well. My receiver goes in 0.5 increments and I always have to have it on an even number. Weird. Either you are more normal than you thought, or I am OCD.....


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