Monday, June 25, 2012

Little Things We Do To Get By

When I have a particularly difficult day, there are any number of things that I might do to relieve the pressure. I'm sure you all have these things. Tiny rituals that you keep in your pocket and bust out as needed.

I've found that many of mine change, well, have changed, since I became a Special Needs father.

See, family didn't always mean as much to me as it used to. I always cared about it, but I was never as invested in it as I am today. People who knew me 'then' and who know me 'now' can probably attest to that. So maybe, if you want to look for any silver lining at all in a disastrous turn of events that led to Bennett's tumor/surgery/multiple disabilities, then you might look at that.

Being able to appreciate that which I used to take for granted is not a bad thing, certainly. It keeps me motivated to keep going forward and not backward, keeps me from going over the edge of the abyss from time to time when things get to be their bleakest.

How does that relate to those thing in your pocket? To those things that you reserve in the 'Break Glass if Needed' category? Because, and this probably sounds totally crazy, but a simple thing that I do in order to cope is that whenever I have a particularly hard day with all this...upheaval, is that I make a new Desktop for my computer.

Why do this?

Because then, when I sit down at the machine, I have a reminder of those things that matter. It's as simple as that really. Spending as much time flying solo as I do during the day working from home and being Bennett's primary mode of transport, I find that it helps to stay...I don't know...connected.

Most of the desktops in this post are from days gone by.

That one at the very top? I made that around 30 minutes ago.

All because I threw something across the room in frustration, and went to 'my room' to get a grip on my emotions and to think about why I let myself get to the boiling point. The act of building the Desktop, of finding photos of the three most integral human beings in my life? It's therapeutic.

I'm always curious to know if other people do little things like that when they need an extra push from the dark back into something light. I know many people pray, and I have as well, though it is far from me these days. But what other things might people in our position, or even those with other struggles in their life, do to stay centered and 'somwhat' balanced.

I wonder...



  1. When I feel as though I am about to explode I like to turn off the lights lay in my bed and stare at the ceiling preferably with blaringly loud music to drown out all of my thoughts.

  2. I eat chocolate chips. Ghirardelli 60% cacao.

    Love the pictures. I think yours is a beautiful coping mechanism.

  3. I sniff bath salts and run around naked.

    In all seriousness, I love your coping mechanism. When I'm pushed to my edge, if I can, I go to a movie alone, eat popcorn and forget everything for two or so hours. If I can't do that, I'll go out on my back stoop and breathe deeply, in and out, reciting the Thict Nat Hanh mantra: Breathing in, I calm myself. Breathing out, I smile.

  4. I like all of these....Mine is much less impressive though... glass or two of Vino and an aggressive video game if it's after work. If it's during the day...I pray, call my wife, try a reality check. I heard someone say this when it was suggested that they do a reality check: "What if I check and my reality is worse than I thought?". So I guess that doesn't always work.
    I'm also a big user of, "What's the worst that could happen."
    As you know though, my mindset is very interwoven with spiritual reality. Call it the Holy Spirit or delusional thinking depending on your point of view but, when times get tough I invariably go to my foundation of faith and am reminded that, no matter what, God is in this. Whether He's going to handle it, or help me handle me while I handle it.

  5. I usually do chores like laundry or working in the yard. It lets me have some time to sort of meditate and think about things.

  6. Tiffany:
    Never heard that one, but it shows much promise.

    Thanks, it isn't my ONLY one, but it is one of many. Chocolate ain't bad either.

    I have several thoughts, all of them R-Rated. The meditation is something I have wanted to look into.

    'Delusional thinking'? Ehhh...whatever works, works and that's all that counts.

    Mowing the lawn is another good one.


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