Thursday, June 21, 2012

Round and Round

OK, so the CT Scan results are in.

I'm not dying. Is it wrong to almost wish that I was? Forget I said that. Bottome line is this. Here is the official read. My secum is lower on the right than on the left, probably because of my appendectomy. It is putting pressure on my bladder and is in an odd location. The doctor says that it could be a source of pain in my abdomen but it is not likely.

Can someone please just kill me now and get this over with?

OK, so here is what I know. I am having pain in my abdomen, my pelvis, my hips, my back, tingling and numbness and hot lava in my arms and legs, but mostly legs. My BALLS (there, I said it), hurt from time to time and they retract. When I bend over, my right abdomen hurts.

I believe and have always believed I have a two-pronged problem here. One related to the abdomen/pelvis/hips. One related to the discs and nerves in my back. Problem is that I think I am the only one on this planet who thinks so.

I've had two tests, and MRI and a CT. In the MRI it was shown that I had:

A) A slight, though not major, disc herniation.
B) The same disc degeneration that I have had since 2004-2005.
C) Bulge in the herniated disc pushing against that alien looking large white nervy thing that goes up and down your spine.
D) Signs of arthritis in my lower back. Hereditary. Can't be avoided. Well, the good news is by the time my back REALLY starts to fail they will have perfected the disc replacement surgery instead of fusing vertebrae.

The Ortho who read that MRI said it didn't appear serious enough to be causing the level of pain I am describing. And yet, I am in a serious level of pain.

Had a CT Scan. It is showing some odd abnormality in the right side, and I have described some symptoms of pain in my right side. And lest ye not forget that way back when the Physical Therapist did say that my right pelvic bone is angled outward and my right leg has really awkward and limited mobility and the bulk of my lower back pain is mostly focused on the right side.

AND YET because the scan, I suppose, was not overtly showing some major Alien Chestburster in there, whatever that abnormality is I suppose is not enough to be causing me the level of pain I am describing.

And yet, with this situation as well I am in a serious level of pain. So much so for both circumstances that I, who have been trying to get OFF medications and am off of several I was on months ago have been taking a LOT of Vicodin for the last couple of months.

So the real question is...NOW what?

Is it truly just all in my head?

I do not know. I only know that it is maddening and frustrating. I fucking HATE this. It is like being attacked by an assailant that takes a swing at me and by the time I am able to turn around and hit back, the sumbitch is gone. So I am more angry and looking for something to pound.

Speaking of medication, that Lamictal that I am taking now? One side effect that you can have is insomnia'll never believe it. LOWER BACK PAIN. And both have started to happen. The insomnia is SHIT. especially when I almost NEVER have trouble sleeping. And the back pain has just been ratcheted up a notch.

But again...probably all in my head. I'm convinced now that I am simply insane and none of you actually exist. You are all just AI in a really crappy video game I am stuck playing over and over.



  1. Stink. I can't believe they didn't find out more. Well, yes, I can believe it. The medical profession can be...ummmm...frustrating at times. So sorry about the insomnia, too. Have you tried melatonin?

    And I am not AI. That would imply "I" which apparently I don't have as evidenced by getting lost this afternoon while driving to pick up my daughter and her friends from horse camp. And yes, this is day 4 of camp. (In my defense, I was coming from the opposite direction over crazy country roads.)

    So sorry for the lack of answers. You could go the alternative route since the conventional route isn't helping much...

  2. Read Sarno's book about the back. And I'd recommend an osteopath. I know I've said it before, but I'll just go out on a limb and say it again.

  3. Got it. "a pouch, usually peritoneal, that is considered to be the beginning of the large intestine." sorry.....don't like the Vicodin.....but if you knew my Vino intake levels.....well.....we all have our coping mechanisms...and our pain.

  4. Agree with least a chiropractor if you have trouble finding an osteo...though an osteo would be better. No kidding Ken...this is not wacko science. Remember, we just love you!

  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

  6. Since 'Marchosias' didn't have the courage to keep that last comment up, allow me to re-publish it here.

    "Sarnos book states its all in your head. No need to read it......

    Look, you seem to be one angry guy. After reading your blogs that fact is as apparent as the nose on my face.

    Combine that fact with you eating Vicodin like candy and sitting around the house all day like a housewife, no wonder your in such sad shape.

    Its only a question of time before you go thru a divorce and probably accidentally od or intentionally. Yeah, thats harsh, but sometimes people need to be slapped upside the head with it.

    There nothing wrong with you, your eithering trying to get some type of medical coverage and more pain meds, or your truly whacked out of your mind..

    Either way, its time to start acting like a goddamn man and quit sitting around feeling sorry for yourself and whining and crying like a 3 year old who lost his candy...


  7. Now, thanks for the helpin hand, I really appreciate it, but the thing is, you should be careful, because you may piss off a LOT of 'housewives', as you call them, by inferring that all they do all day is sit around.

    I know quite a few who have lives that are 3,000% more difficult than yours is my friend and they are the hardest workers on the planet.

    Anyway, welcome back! :) Knew you wouldn't be able to stay away for long, but you have GOT to go get yourself a life. I mean, seriously. Anything I can do to help you with that feel free to ask.

  8. Hey -- Marchosias:


    You couldn't posibly mean "suck it up, swallow the pain, bottle the fury until it explodes and someone gets slapped", could you? Some think that's "manly".

    You couldn't possibly mean that you, a man who cannot figure our the proper use of your/you're, has the secret to 'Life As It Is To Be Led', could you?

    Your life trolling blogs to find folks you envy that you feel you can lord your insight over may not be as "manly" as you think.

  9. I believe you, but as I don't really exist it doesn't matter, and even if I do really exist I am not a doctor so there is not really anything I can do about it. Sorry about that.

  10. Sucks that they didn't really find much with the scan. Maybe you should have another doctor get a second opinion on the results? It seems like there HAS to be a cause here, but they are just not finding it ( something). I really am thinking someone else needs to take a look at things.

    Hope you got to watch the game last night with Bennett :)

  11. Good lord. That Marchosias is one well-spoken guy. Despite his derogatory comments about the Sarno book, I say read it. At the very least, the mind/body thing is something to know about. It doesn't mean that you shun typical Western medicine -- at best, integrative medicine or complementary medicine can optimize your potential, get at the roots of illness and maybe even improve it.

  12. I actually have read the Sarno book before. And Elizabeth I am not opposed to alternative medicine. Or alternative methods of thinking about health/mind/body. Who just gave up meat and dairy? I'm just not ready to get needles up my butt yet. :)

    I've been to a chiropractor before, it is true. I'll probably go again, I just am trying to determine if I have something wrong with my former incision site, because that seems to be involved here somehow, or something else more severe causing the lava legs, before I have a chiro pulling on me before we know something in there isn't ready to give.

  13. Have you considered whether or not you are experiencing sensitivity to electromagnetic fields? It seems like some of your symptoms are matching what people with EMF sensitivity experience. I have known several people who have experienced this and they have been greatly helped by making some lifestyle changes in terms of exposure to EMFs

  14. I'm going to put myself out here just so you know I feel your pain and understand to some level and so you beleive me when I tell you not to give up.

    First people like Marchosias need to be hung up by their toe nails.

    I've been bounced around from one expert to another who have no idea why I have pain in my low back. I have CTscans, MRIs and Xrays since I was little all showing my L1 being squashed TO DEATH by a twisted sacrum, scoliosis and twisting of my lumbar spine. My hips are so out of wack I have arthritis in both hip sockets that they say will have to be replaced some day. They all have guesses and horror stories about my future but none care enough to see the whole picture and do something about my pain. Pain they are still puzzled over. For not looking at the WHOLE picture. So I suffer.

    I've seen Chiropracters who were honestly nut cases just trying to scam me out of money which they did right along with orthopedic specialists. I've put my trust into yet another Chiro becuase what can we do but keep trying? You have to keep trying.

    I have an extreme food allergy to one certain thing which I accidently ate. It made my body attack itself. I spent 2 months straight in bed in agony because "Specialists" made me wait to see them, every one in my area. So I suffered while my body attacked itself for months. I could no longer eat, walk and was losing my mind when my family carried me back to my MD who fortunatly was out. I saw another doc who took 1 look at me and with a few questions and blood work put me on steroids which stopped the attack. he got on the phone right in the room and told the "Specialists" 2 months was not good enough for me. They still wouldn't budge. When the specialists did see me he threw his hands up, claimed to have no reason for my pain and left me in the dust to get another patient in. Like a money factory.
    Medical practice is called that for a reason. Because they are all still practicing common sense and very few have made it. If I hadn't gone back into my MD and saw a different doc I wouldn't be here today.

    I won't even start on the bladder disease I had suffered for 3 years with no answers after 6 doctors. I moved to another state since I could no longer work and lost everything. I had to be with family. I was properly diagnosed on my first visit with the specialist. All those years waisted.

    I am on pain meds daily now because of all the damage doctors and my body caused. I hate it more then anything. I hate that I have to take them and I hate how others make me feel about it. But I spent years suffering with out them by my choice. I finally made the choice to not care what others thought and took the meds so I could function and try to build a life again.

    The stigma on people who take pain meds is as low as the stigma on MEN who have physical problems. It's pathetic.

    The people like Marcho don't care to understand others. They get to live their lives as they please doing whatever they want while others have to deal with the bad cards they were dealt.

    Don't give up. A lot of doctors are horrible across all fields. Some use common sense and actually work. It's just finding that one.

    DO NOT blame yourself, give yourself a break. It's not your choice to have these things happen to you just like it wasn't Ben's choice to have that tumor and all he is dealing with. You both are dealing with more then people like Marcho could ever understand. It's too bad he is too shallow of a person to care to understand.


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