Saturday, August 18, 2012
It's Always Been Hard to Say No
Well, at least when it isn't in accompanied by an additional 'No'. As in 'No-No.'
Or when I say it to anyone under the age of 12. That's fairly easy.
Or when I tell myself 'No' whenever the internal dialogue comes up as to all the things that I need to start doing to better myself and get Life moving in the RIGHT direction for a change.
Or those times when I say 'No' to help from the many people who offer, even though the truth is that deep down inside I know how much I really, really need it.
Hey, can I revise my title to this blog?
The fact is it isn't hard for me to say 'No' at all. I wrote that title because when a good friend of mine wrote me a note and asked me to write a blog today because seeing a picture of Eddie every day for the past week or so as the main photo made her sad...I couldn't say 'No' to that.
THAT I get. Completely. This individual worked with Eddie as much as I did. And Eddie had a way of impacting the lives of every single person he came in contact with. I'm sure even the person who delivered Eddie's mail was devastated by his untimely death.
So I moved Eddie back up to my Header, a place he used to spend a LOT of time.
Christ...I can't tell you how much I really do think about the guy. I barreled through thinking about the anniversary of the day he died because we were getting ready for the camping trip and frankly I was jammed up over writing about him. I am still jammed up about it.
But, the fact is, I am jammed up about a LOT of stuff.
I've hit many snags of late. Some I can write about, and the thing that sucks more is there are things going on I CANNOT write about. And I gotta be honest...I HATE THAT SHIT. It really gets my balls in a bunch, because it trips me up overall. A lot of the time when I get more silent it is because I have aspects of my life that are suddenly unable to be discussed and it just...I dunno...makes it difficult for me to slog through it. Or blog through it, I suppose.
So I need to figure out how to DO that. Not that I have necessarily been Jack Handy of late anyway...but knowing that there are some places that I cannot go, even if I wanted to, just does something to my grey matter. I can't explain that, it is just how I am made.
Anyway. Gonna try to get back to it. That's all I can do. Try. Fuck Yoda and the whole 'Try Not' thing. I never got that statement...even from the cool Empire Strikes Back Yoda, whom we all love and adore. I get the main point of it...'Do or do not, there is no try.' But you also have to account for the possibility of failure and what you might learn from it. That's something he might have thought about teaching Luke in the swamp instead of just blowing him off after he couldn't get his X-Wing out of the mud.
I mean c'mon...that ship may have been a small, one-man fighter, but it was HUGE! And it had snakes in it! Yoda...maybe you could have said 'Again you must try, if at first succeed you do not!'. Ever think about THAT shit? That's what I'M talkin' 'bout, bitch!