Saturday, August 18, 2012

It's Always Been Hard to Say No

Well, at least when it isn't in accompanied by an additional 'No'. As in 'No-No.'

Or when I say it to anyone under the age of 12. That's fairly easy.

Or when I tell myself 'No' whenever the internal dialogue comes up as to all the things that I need to start doing to better myself and get Life moving in the RIGHT direction for a change.

Or those times when I say 'No' to help from the many people who offer, even though the truth is that deep down inside I know how much I really, really need it.

Hey, can I revise my title to this blog?

The fact is it isn't hard for me to say 'No' at all. I wrote that title because when a good friend of mine wrote me a note and asked me to write a blog today because seeing a picture of Eddie every day for the past week or so as the main photo made her sad...I couldn't say 'No' to that.

THAT I get. Completely. This individual worked with Eddie as much as I did. And Eddie had a way of impacting the lives of every single person he came in contact with. I'm sure even the person who delivered Eddie's mail was devastated by his untimely death.

So I moved Eddie back up to my Header, a place he used to spend a LOT of time.

Christ...I can't tell you how much I really do think about the guy. I barreled through thinking about the anniversary of the day he died because we were getting ready for the camping trip and frankly I was jammed up over writing about him. I am still jammed up about it.

But, the fact is,  I am jammed up about a LOT of stuff.

I've hit many snags of late. Some I can write about, and the thing that sucks more is there are things going on I CANNOT write about. And I gotta be honest...I HATE THAT SHIT. It really gets my balls in a bunch, because it trips me up overall. A lot of the time when I get more silent it is because I have aspects of my life that are suddenly unable to be discussed and it just...I dunno...makes it difficult for me to slog through it. Or blog through it, I suppose.

So I need to figure out how to DO that. Not that I have necessarily been Jack Handy of late anyway...but knowing that there are some places that I cannot go, even if I wanted to, just does something to my grey matter. I can't explain that, it is just how I am made.

Anyway. Gonna try to get back to it. That's all I can do. Try. Fuck Yoda and the whole 'Try Not' thing. I never got that statement...even from the cool Empire Strikes Back Yoda, whom we all love and adore. I get the main point of it...'Do or do not, there is no try.' But you also have to account for the possibility of failure and what you might learn from it. That's something he might have thought about teaching Luke in the swamp instead of just blowing him off after he couldn't get his X-Wing out of the mud.

I mean c'mon...that ship may have been a small, one-man fighter, but it was HUGE! And it had snakes in it! Yoda...maybe you could have said 'Again you must try, if at first succeed you do not!'. Ever think about THAT shit? That's what I'M talkin' 'bout, bitch!



  1. It's always good to see you here. I propose you think of a small scene from your life each day and write it. That's it -- not even a reflection -- just a scene. Leave us to read and reflect. It might get your creative juices flowing --

    And I do understand what the unbloggable is -- I have much of my own, and it will stay like that because I said so.

  2. Speaking of saying no...I gotta stop and start saying yes to that picture thing. Though I have not shaved in a week since camping. I am stressed to MAXIMUM CAPACITY right now as I wade through over 8,000 lines of Excel shit for my 2011 taxes, and I am in the foulest of foul moods., H and C have all asked so nicely so many times I gotta do it. I'll go throw on a shirt that doesn't have stains on it and see what I can do. I need to get off the keyboard back, legs and fingers feel like someone has dipped them in boiling blood.

  3. “Do or do not... there is no try.” - Yoda, Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

    "Only a Sith Lord deals in absolutes." - Obi-Wan Kenobi, Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

    What are they trying to tell us?

    OH I hate it when I have shit in my head that I can't write about too, if it involves someone else or whatever. If I can't express it, it gnaws away at my brain...totally understand!!

  4. Love that hypocrisy...never thought about that. I just got a Geek Boner.

    And the thing that sucks is that almost all the stuff I can't write about is involving stuff in MY life about ME. It is just overly complex and some of it is best left off the table for a while.

    But yeah. I need some peanut butter to go with this jam in my head.

    Was gonna write another blog yesterday but it turned into a VERY long day of extensive paperwork and Bennett-related crap. Today will likely be more of the same though I may try to get something on the site.


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