Friday, September 28, 2012

In Case Anyone Cares

And according to my Mom, people do, I should let people know that I am out of town.

I am in fact visiting her at the moment.

She was surprised to see how...what's the word I am looking for? How bleak I have become of late. How stressed and how on the ragged edge I really am. 'Shell-shocked' was a word that came up. As much as I don't enjoy exposing her to these aspects of me, what better place to be than right here, right now though, right?

If I ate chicken, I'd be having her make me some chicken soup. Instead, maybe something with fish or tofu.

In the meantime, it is time to do what I did last year and try to get a battery recharge and sort through what is, without a doubt, some of the darkest garbage that is in my head I have ever had.

She asked me why I haven't been blogging. I just said 'Mom, sometimes, I just feel like I don't have anything good in my head, in my life, to share, and why always go over the same old crap over and over? Besides, I'm pretty sure it doesn't matter much anymore.'

My Mom, who is so positive, one of her strengths, just felt so bad and said, 'Isn't there anything positive in any given day that you CAN focus on? There has to be, right?'

I said there was, there always was, but I am always just so tired.

We talked a lot more, and we will continue to, and I am in a good place to get some much needed healing.

I don't have access to my regular e-mail, so if anyone is trying to get in touch with me, you'll have to use Facebook or gMail. I can't get my Outlook to work on this laptop right now. She hasn't been properly broken in.

Maybe I'll check in a bit later, maybe not. But at least I feel a little better, and that's a good thing.



  1. I'm glad you're there with your mom...there is nothing more soothing to a tattered soul than a mom-hug.

    Rest, lick your wounds and heal your heart...we'll al be waiting for you and your posts on the other side.


  2. Glad you are so close to Big Spring...sending you good thoughts....and desperately trying to boost my character. Rest, and find your inner Yoda/Dearth/Skywalker/ObiWon.

  3. The wind whistles past my ears as I tuck in my hands and aim for you.

    I zip past you and somersault and tent my body so I hover beneath you.

    We fall a few thousand feet in silence.

    the rushing wind sealing our ears.

    we enter a cloud and our vision is snuffed by the grayness.

    "hey" I call softly to you.

    You don't respond

    "HEY" I call again, moving closer so my hand finds yours in the clouds.

    "YOU are not free falling through this life, no matter how it may feel. WE are free falling through this life...every last person on this planet. Those of us who have their shit together fall straight through and miss so much. Those of us who carry no baggage drift lazily through and miss so much...and those of us who have sharp jagged edges we fall like beautiful to those who love us. But so hard to hold because we melt."

    We break the clouds. I let go, arch and execute a flip.
    "Why go over the same crap over and over? because then it is focused outwards and not inwards eating at you."

    "close your eyes and let the sun warm you and the wind wash through you..invite the healing in."

  4. Good to hear from you and glad you are getting some time with your Mom! Enjoy it and recharge :)

  5. So glad you're at your mom's! And we do care and we miss you...or at least I do. Most of the blogs I read are informative, inspiring, and touching blah blah blah, but yours is a good way.

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