You Know Things Are a Bit Off
When you go to load in some photos you took off your camera, and you realize that it has been over a month since you even did THAT, it is a bit of an eye-opener.
As if I even needed one.
As a guy who used to take hundreds of photos every month, and I mean I had so many photos of so many things I had to buy a 2TB External Hard Drive just to manage it all and then a second to have a back-up of it, that says something.
I only know it has been so long because when I do load-ins I do it by date. When you use the Scanner and Camera Wizard, if that is your THING, it gives you an option of naming the photos as you load them into your computer.
I exercise that option. Hey, I gotta exercise some time, right?
So I have every photo since I started doing it generally organized the same way. Easier to locate that way. And easier for loading and stuff. When I store them into folders I create folders that have names but the beginning of the Folder name has part of the date in it, so that way it stays mostly chronological in a thumbnail view, with some exceptions as needed.
I needed to load in a couple of things today off my camera for practical reasons, and realized that I had not loaded anything just for funsies in over a month because I saw the date stamp. I included some of the other shots I found on my camera throughout this post, which of course are TOTALLY unrelated to the text. But hey...I'm nothing if not disjointed.
Of course after loading the pics I had to then take note of the fact that I haven't posted in a couple of weeks, and even that last one was hardly a post. And then I looked again at Mission: iPossible and just hung my head in absolute and total disgust and shame. Wow. How in the world have I let THAT slip so far away from me? I haven't posted anything in there since APRIL???
How has it come to this?
Truth is, I just don't feel like going into it. Don't have the energy for a long, exhaustive explanation as to Why Things Suck, and to be honest I don't want to shower everybody with negativity, which is why I haven't been writing much. I'm super saturated with it lately.
I already wrote about how much I need to try to overcome all of these obstacles and junk, the whole Yoda analogy a few posts back...but I keep failing horribly at making any headway, gaining any ground in my life of late. And I'd be lying if I didn't admit there is a small part of me that wants to just give up on a lot of this shit.
But I think the part that DOESN'T want to give up is probably, from a psychological viewpoint, the stronger of the two. And I'll tell you why.
Because if I really wanted to throw in the towel, I wouldn't be on here writing about it. I'd still be hiding, still be silent, still be by myself unwilling to expose that thought to general srutiny and shine some light on it.
That's why I think, in the end, I'll make it through even the worst parts. Because for some reason I can't yet figure out, I think this tells me I must still, somewhere, have some small sliver of hope, and that's something I can build on.
Ya think? Maybe?