WOW. Has It Really Been 2.5 Weeks?
Where DOES the time go?
It's baffling to me how little time I have spent on the Internet overall in the past several months. Well, unless you count my time spent on X-Box Live, but we won't get into that.
But here? Or Facebook? Or reading other people's blogs? Stuff like that? I am a ghost, an echo of the person I used to be. There are a lot of reasons why. Won't bore you with all of them. Besides, I'm not even sure of the following:
1. Who is still around.
2. Who really wants to know the nitty gritty.
3. Who detailed I want to get into all the shit that has gone down over the past few months.
Besides, I've known for a while now how badly I need to reboot this blog. Maybe reboot is too weird or too specific a word. Rethink it might be better. I mentioned last time the possibility of walking away. And I gave it a lot of thought. There is a large part of me that thinks I should. Some of the things I have written have hurt people, some things haven't gone over well at home.
Then there is the whole question of what will the kids think when they are older? Will Bennett be ABLE to read this and if he can will he feel that he was represented in a fair way? Carter, when he gets around to seeing this, is it going to divide us even more than we already are when he sees the disparate amount of time I spent writing about Bennett and not him, even though the reality is that Carter is often on my mind as much or more than Bennett is but Carter's issues are just things that sometimes I don't want to go into publicly?
Though maybe I should. I don't know. Like I said, I think I need to give this space as much of a retooling as my life is undergoing, and if that means shutting it down completely rather than trying to make a bunch of changes I should consider that as an option.
Always wished I could figure out how to morph writing into making a living. My Mom would love it, and I certainly would love to do something that would make her happy. Just do not know how, certainly not by starting from scratch as a raw freelancer, and especially not right now with all the stuff in #3 above that is still going on and will be for months.
I'm rambling a little, but hey, rambling might be better than saying nothing at all. I want to try to at least get something written. Even if it is nothing special. I feel the need to take a queue from Heather and do some gratitoody posts and theme it in November, maybe shoot for a month of posting again.
Why try to get back on the horse and ride so hard so soon after so much non-postage? Because I have to honor my friendship with her and get started on getting back into a groove so that I can do something with Mission: iPossible as well and get that moving again. I owe her, I owe the families involved with that and everyone who has followed that project. To say I have dropped that ball is more than just an understatement.
That's about it for now. But just for now.