Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Pardon Me While I Check This Blog for a Pulse

There is so much going on with the Internet that I don't know anything about. Or I have a vague awareness of it, but not enough knowledge about it to feel comfortable enough to dive in and become an active participant. I'm sort of a jerk of some trades, master of a few when it comes to all the shit that everybody else is into. It is a bit lost on me to be totally honest.

I guess it is a reflection of who I am OFF of the Internet as well, since I am technologically non-savvy also. The car I currently drive is from 2004. Hey...how about that? Ten years old. Of course, it only has 74,000 miles on it. That's awesome, right? I love a short, teeny commute if not at all. Been lucky. I usually have computers that stretch the boundary of modern acceptability ('Hey wow man...is that a zip drive?') and we still own some televisions that have the gigantic curved backsides. You know, the kind that you can sort of hear when they are turned on even though the sound is off. You just kinda 'feel' it in the air.

I'm not ashamed to admit that, until this past year, I didn't even own a Smart Phone. Can I confess something though? After the newness wore off, I now don't know why I got it.

I guess it is kind of cool, and I shoot some nifty videos of Bennett and Carter sometimes, and I shoot bad, out of focus photos with it.

Though, WAY too many of those photos include me in them. What is that all about? I HATE photos of me, and yet now with the Smart Phone suddenly I am taking pictures of myself and I don't care. Is there a word for that? But that isn't the only problem, because since I got the iPhone? I haven't taken my digital camera out ONCE. I already barely knew how to use it.

Now I have forgotten what little knowledge I had of it at all.

I don't need the sophistication of a Smart Phone because of the simplicity of our lifestyle. We are tethered to our house for the most part, a stay-at-home type of family. I rarely see other humans than the three primary units who I talk about here. I don't have much of a need to send e-mails from my phone. I use a laptop for that. Hell, there is NOTHING I want to do on my phone I wouldn't rather do on my laptop, unless you are talking about actually SPEAKING on the telephone. Then you got me...I'm all up for that. Otherwise, I get all freaky about the possibility of overusing my Data Plan allotment. I obsess over it. I dwell on it. I dream about it if I've had to use the phone for some task on the Internet when the cable goes out.

And I'm WAY too conscientious about how much SOME stuff costs...I'm not going to spend a couple of hundred bucks a month for some maximum data plan when I know I'll never really USE it. It just isn't me. Because let's go back to that vague awareness thing I started this whole dog and pony show with. What ELSE do I really need to have 24/7 access to the Internet for? I mean, for real? Yeah I started a Pinterest, Instagram and Twitter account, but I haven't really DONE anything with them. And Facebook? I hardly ever use it. Not effectively like some people.

I have NO idea how keep it short, so Twitter? Yeah, like you can see me making it work on TWITTER!?!? Not likely. The most fun thing for me to do on Twitter was create my banner. Yeah that's it with the girl from Star Trek. Cool right? RIGHT? Yeah me and my fellow geeks thought so.

After that? I got bored, posted a couple of times and then I haven't really posted much since. Went back to listening to PSY on YouTube. Instagram? I take really bad photos, and I just don't get what Instagram actually IS...it's pictures right? Well, I take pictures here and post them, and I have pictures on Facebook, so why do I need to put pictures in ANOTHER location? See? This is why I am behind the times, I just don't understand. I just don't get some shit the way other people do.

Same with Pinterest. I mean, I understand the CONCEPT of Pinterest, and I tried it a while, and when I am super DUPER bored I go and then.....I look.....and then.....O....K......THERE! I pinned something. Feeling of accomplishment complete. But is that all? Seems like when I go on there 68 people have all pinned the same stupid shit. Then I think...why am I wasting my time? I can just as easily waste it here. I am sort of pinning stuff I like here when I write a post, aren't I?

But it isn't clean and neat and organized. It's random and scattered and HOLY SHIT LILLY YOU GO ON AND ON AND ON!!!!

Then there is Google +. I am in it. I still don't GET it. No idea what benefit it gives me. I know it is connected somehow to my YouTube channel, which I kind of understand, I store my videos there, though I have NO idea how to link the videos and integrate everything together. Bottom line? I could and probably should figure out how to maximize how I use social media, but I feel like it is this gigantic mountain of shit that I will never be able to understand.

Social media makes me feel like the old man in the room who has dusty farts.

I'm just being honest.

I was looking at this blog the other day, giving it a very hard, critical look, trying to figure out what I was going to do with it, as far as the changes I have planned for it, what I wanted to write about after having spent a year away, the length of the posts so I could actually sustain content, shit like that (yes I do think about that kinda stuff) and I was looking at the blogroll at the right. I started scrolling down and was floored at the frequency of the posting of some of the blogs I follow and read. Amazed by some. Puzzled by some others. 6 hours ago. 2 days ago. 1 week ago. 3 weeks ago. 3 months ago. 7 months ago. 1 year ago. 2 years ago. 4 years ago.

Guess my year off wasn't that uncommon. A LOT of blogs, I noticed, are like that.

Just so happens that a blogger who had not posted in a while, though she does with some frequency, posted recently, and I asked her if she thought that a lot of these other Internet sites like Facebook, Twitter, etc., were sounding the death knell of the blog. She wondered the same thing, and added that in some cases these blogs start because many of us come on here with one story to tell, and once the main story has reached a conclusion of sorts we don't continue to write in the blog.

I can see that to a degree. I can wrap my head around it as one possible theory. Doesn't always apply, but I see the logic of it. Why did I just say the same thought three times differently? No wonder these blogs are so damn LONG.

I look at the post count in my blog, and even though I love to write, clearly 2009 I was a FIEND, and that was when Bennett's main story was at the very peak. The onset of Infantile Spasms. The Tumor. The Surgery. The Recovery. 224 posts that year. After that? It was a fairly even spread of 136, then 131, then 104.

Then 0.

Now it is 2. I wish it would SHOW 2013, and give the count of (0) on there.


Can't explain why. Well, I can. 2013, as years go? It was a shitty year. Not as bad as 2009, but it was lousy. It is the primary reason I was not writing. Not really because of the distraction of other more organized websites, or because our story had come to a close. Nah...I was tired of being a Negative Nancy all the time, and I absolutely needed to push back from the table and take a fuckin' break from it.

Don't get me wrong...I still wrote this blog when I HAD TO, I just did it differently. Privately. Covertly. My poor, poor family and friends. The lengthy, rant-filled e-mails, Facebook messages or phone calls they did receive. Hey, I couldn't always maintain my complete composure and grace.

Like I said, it was a difficult year.  

No I believe the word he used was SHITTY.

Yeah...that was what I said, wasn't it. In the end, I suppose, you have to be true to who you are, no matter how much energy you spend trying to run away from yourself.

Not sure if that's a good thing? Or bad. Guess we'll be finding out.



  1. Love that photo of you and your son Ken. Whatever, whenever you write...I read. Miss you like crazy and hopeful that life is falling into a place for you.

    1. I wouldn't say falling into place, but I have managed to accept the fact that we are in a perpetual state of motion with no real resolution to all of this, it is just a continual work in progress. And by 'accept' I mean begrudgingly. :)

  2. So many great observations here despite your self-deprecation. And that photo of you and your son? Well -- it's almost worth your absence!

    1. Did I self defecate again? I HATE that shit! :) I complimented myself too, though...I made an awesome Twitter header! WOOHOO!

      I really do like having that one option of the phone with Bennett, or even on the iPad. He gets so entertained by watching himself in a screen. I'll have to post one of those videos.

  3. I also don't get twitter, google+, pinterest, instagram, or reddit, tumblr and snapchat for that matter. I mean, I know what they all are and do, I just don't see the need to use them. I must admit I do like facebook though. Mostly to keep in touch with family and friends. I don't use youtube much either, although for some reason a video I put up of "triplets in their bumbo seats" has nearly 200,000 views. Maybe it means something sexual in another language?

    I can relate to so much you write about, so I'll take what I can get. I hope this year isn't quite so "difficult" for you and the family :)

    Also like the little 2.0 tweaks in your header.


    P.S. nice first tweet :)

    1. Well you are one up on me, I haven't for the life of me figured out half that stuff. NO IDEA what Google Plus is. Or Reddit. Or Tumblr. Or Snapchat. None. And I mean it. ZERO. Never been to any of them. For real. Except Google Plus. That I just can't figure out. And I can barely manage all the Blogger interface changes that have been implemented since I used to post. WTF???

    2. You aren't missing anything. All that stuff is just a big time sink. I'm a fan of being hands-free (no devices) when i'm at home. At least as much as I can be.

  4. Well, I saw your last post and tried commenting but it just kept getting longer and longer and following your own rule, I bailed and decided on an email that of course I never found the time for. Then this morning on my way into work I was beating myself up again for not reaching out and seeing how you were. So imagine my surprise and excitement at seeing a SECOND post inside of a month!

    I'm glad your back. Or sort of back, or whatever this turns into.

    As you know I am a big twitter guy so I'll have to find you there and prod you along. Pinterest? Never got it. Facebook? Ive never had one, don't want one (although my wife linked to my blog on her facebook and my traffic went absolutely nuts making me rethink that one) and Google+ I have but really don't understand. So I guess minus the twitter you and I are pretty similar there.

    Anyway, It's great to hear from you Ken. Hoping you keep it up. And if you don't and you need someplace to send any of those emails because your friends and family have heard it all before, you know where to find me.

    1. Eric, you know, I don't know how many times I have written you and stopped myself. As much as I try NOT to compare people's shit philosophically? I still always feel like your life is so full of stuff that I would just be bugging you. Think of you often though. You've got stones of brass.

      And yes, I still have those pants. I THINK. I have to check and see if they haven't locked the other house. There are a few boxes still to get. I just need one or two more trips.

  5. Thank you so much for posting again. I started reading at the end of 2009 and this was one of the first blogs I really followed. I missed it during the period of silence. Welcome back.

    1. Thanks, it is comments like that I really treasure. And I mean that. Gives me a real special feeling to know that someone really digs this...WHATEVER this is. :)

  6. Skyrim....You're playing SKYRIM!? I didn't know that was something you were interested in playing. Later.


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