Showing posts from July, 2010


Gotta keep it short today. This afternoon is Bennett's yearly meeting to re-evaluate if he still qualifies for the Medicaid Waiver (that which pays for all his therapies and so on). So I have to do some junk today quick and have the house ready by 3:30.

Check out this video, which I think was shot by my wife's Mom, though I am not 100% sure on it. It is from the camping trip that Jen and the kids took last weekend. Thought it was interesting.

Now that ending...that has me a little freaked. The sender of the mass e-mail to all of us said nothing bad happened, but I know how far a drop that is, and I'm hoping someone or something kept him from going all the way out to the ground. I'll have to ask Jen about it, I only saw the video today for the first time.

But Bennett is just fine as far as I can tell, so I'm sure he didn't take the full plunge.


Like Finding Buried Treasure

I do not have a lot of anything when it comes to my Dad.

Not a lot of memories, not very much memorabilia, and a small handful of photos.

The simple story is that my Mom and Dad got divorced when I was around 5 years old. I saw him very infrequently after that, and the last time I ever saw him or spoke to him I was 10 years old and it was in a courthouse.

He died in 2006, and we never reconciled prior to that. I found out about his death by searching the Internet. No one told me, no one called. His two surviving 'biological' children (me and my sister, to whom I am also estranged) were not even mentioned in the obituary. A more detailed account of the whole situation can be found in a blog I wrote about him last November. In case you're curious or new here. Otherwise skip it. It's REALLY long. Even for me.

Clearly that relationship, and the monstrosity of a mentally unstable Stepfather that followed, contribute greatly to my overall Fucked-Upedness. I'd have to be an …

Look At This One

Today, I'm pointing you to Harold's blog, which is called Facing Autism in New Brunswick. I do not know Harold at all, but I read his blog a bunch, and in Harold's About Me Section, which he very cleverly re-named 'It's NOT About ME' he writes:

My interest in Autism, and my engagement in Autism advocacy, began with my son Conor's Autism Disorder diagnosis and the realization that, locally at least, no serious efforts were being made to improve the lives of persons with Autism or to address the realities of Autism Disorder. Hugs are good, but hugs are not enough. Evidence based treatment, education and residential care by properly trained service providers are required to help the 1 in 110 persons who have an Autism Spectrum Disorder.

Anyway, check out his latest blog, about...well, you gotta just read the article.

Makes me chilled to the bone to think that one day Bennett might live in a place where he has 'assistance'. I mean, that's a long way o…

Bloggus Interruptus

If you knew how many different blog entries I have started, written quite a bit in, then saved and stopped without finishing or posting you'd probably short-circuit.

Well, the actual number is 27, since you asked. (You asked with your asked with your eyes...)

Not sure why either. I'm usually very good about articulating myself, about translating my thoughts into something that resembles cohesive writing and then assembling it all and hitting 'Publish'.

Lately? Not so much. I get going on some topic, start looking over what I have written and say 'blech' and just saving it in hopes of coming back to it later. By the time later gets here, I look at it and still end up saying 'blech'.

Oh well.

It is what it is.

Waddya gonna do?

No flies on you.

[Insert any other cliche here].

In the meantime, as I recall, I promised some photos from Carter's 6th birthday party. And I intend to deliver. So here goes. Prepare thyself for the photographic onslaught…


You figure out what the extra 'F' means in the title.

Been a rough week.

I'm baffled by Bennett's current behavior pattern. When he is at school, he is engaged in his activities and not unhappy, making some progress, albeit very small know, 'Inchstones'. He doesn't get upset very often and all the reports we are getting from there indicate he is doing well emotionally during the day.

But at night, when he is home, he goes through periods of extreme duress. Since he cannot communicate with us I do not know why, and while we often try to postulate the reasons, we can never be sure.

If it wasn't such an awful sound/experience of his walking around and screeching, it might almost be funny when Jennifer and I start trying to figure it out.

Did he poop today?

I don't know. It isn't written on the sheet.

He might be constipated.

Maytbe. Did he get his afternoon medicine?

I don't know. Lemme see if his back tooth is all the way in.

It CAN'T be…


Carter Maximus Lilly turns six years old today.

Six years.


Sometimes it feels like only yesterday, though sometimes over the past year it has felt like several lifetimes ago. My relationship with Carter has suffered some over the past 18 months. A Special Needs sibling can make it tough on everyone, especially the 'typical' kid who kind of gets pushed to the side a little bit.

That will evolve, and grow, and change as our lives do. I hope. I have a lot of responsibility there as well, and I need to start living up to the things I should do for him. I need to be a better father.

But, make no mistake, I love the little guy. He's very spunky. He makes me laugh. I make him laugh. He gets into some of the things I expose him to, like Batman, Godzilla, Spongebob and most recently Fanboy and Chum Chum (a fantastic show by the way). Of course he likes Janitor Poopatine as much as I do. Just for different reasons.

And speaking of Poopa---, I mean PALPATINE, I've tried a …

My Idiocy Knows No Bounds

Fuck Mother Nature.

There. I said it.

Well, it's actually my fault, but I'm looking for someone to blame. Might as well be that crazy, fickle bitch.

Multi-tasking on the computer.

I suck at many things.

This I am good at.

Got four or five programs up and running, working on several different things at once, trying my best to focus on one thing but that is never easy with my particular personality unless I hyper-focus on it.

So many cool things going down.

I'm groovin', working at maximum speed and capacity.


Power goes out for a split second.



Last two hours?

Wiped away.

My mood?


Yeah, yeah, yeah...I know, constantly save your stuff.

I know that.

But I'm a jackass who has picked up a bad habit. See, the desktop is upstairs in my joke of an office and the laptop is on the main floor in the kitchen 'desk thingie area' that many kitchens have.

Now, the laptop has a battery, so when the power goes out it sticks its middle finger directly into the face o…

Sounds of Insanity

Remember last Friday's post about music, where I was talking about a blog entry I was writing that was 'sort of 're-cap' of all the shit in my life that led up to me deciding to stop blogging for a while during a period where I was, at least I believe I was, dangerously close to the edge of a cliff I would not have been able to climb back up had I fallen over'?

Well, I think perhaps that cliff is still very much in plain sight, and I'd be lying my fucking ass off if I said I did not think quite a lot about the sweet solace of turning around, breaking into a run and leaping off of that cliff and letting the wind guide me straight into whatever lies at the bottom.

One day it is great. One day it sucks like nothing has sucked before.

One hour I am blissfully enjoying some distraction, almost forgetting the awful parts of not just our lives but the lives of those close to me. Another hour I am trying to fight back tears that seem to want to burst out of me with no app…

Sounds of Sanity

I sit here, going over some photos I took last night. Tweaking them, adjusting the color and all that shit. Levels. Saturation. Blah, blah, blah.

I also sit here looking at the blog I've been working on for four days off and on. It's a sort of 're-cap' of all the shit in my life that led up to me deciding to stop blogging for a while during a period where I was, at least I believe I was, dangerously close to the edge of a cliff I would not have been able to climb back up had I fallen over.

And as I do this, the sound of the music from the Ridley Scott film Black Hawk Down plays on my iTunes.

I realized that lately I have been avoiding my usual morning fare of listening to The Howard Stern Show and then The Dan Patrick Show or The Jim Rome Show in favor of just listening to music. I also realized that this is a pattern of suddenly becomes a focal point for me whenever I am in any kind of 'repair mode'.

Music can transport me, can move me, can make me b…