Showing posts from January, 2012

500? Does it Matter Anymore?

People are starting to worry about me.


I had hoped to write something very cool for post #500. Ain't gonna happen.

I can only describe my son Bennett's behavior as manic. Almost maniacal at times. Aggressive and then wildly giddy. And Carter? I feel like he just slips away from after day. He doesn't really understand why things are the way they are with Bennett. I wouldn't either at his age.

It's fucking insanity in this house right now. On all fronts. I have something wrong with my eyelids now. Meibomianitis. Yeah...that's a new thing. Just found out.

Apparently, all the dry skin from my forehead has, over the past year, collected on my wet eyelashes from having had too many days of teary eyes, and the natural bacteria in my eyes have feasted, so my pores in my eyelids are all clogged.

Our Home Health Aide's mom passed away on Sunday. Lost her battle with Cancer. She is like a part of the family, which in and of itself is bad cause you fe…

OK, I'm Cheating

Not THAT kind of cheating.

I actually went back and deleted a post that nobody cared about, one of the many about those block figures I love so much that, frankly, just don't belong here anymore, in order to make THIS post NOT be the 500th post of this blog.


Because all of my Blogbuddies are talking about this article and posting about it and spreading the news about this and so I wanted to also join in.

It's amazing, mind-blowing article about the absolute worst the medical community, and perhaps humanity, has to offer. Some people in a hospital apparently taking the position of stating they will not perform an organ transplant on the disabled daughter of the author because she is 'Mentally Retarded'.

You just have to read it.

Me? I'm having a weekend from Hell. But my son is having it much worse.

Bennett is slamming his head into pretty much anything and everything. He's hitting and biting and beside himself with...whatever it is that is drivi…

Along For The Ride

Apparently, accompanying the recent addition of tears and other emotional outbursts that Bennett is experiencing is a whole helluva lot of anger.

He uses the word 'MAD!' quite a bit, and while some of you will say 'Lilly, hey, that's terrific, he's using a word appropriately!', I will remind you that while it is a terrific thing, what is not terrific is the fact that he will, while screaming the word, slap himself in the head, bang his face into a wall, bite his arm until there are actual teeth marks and throw heavy objects across the room putting other objects (and people) in danger.

His eating has become pickier again. Food flies across the room when it isn't what he wants. As the frustration levels increase, the tension level in the house increases. We are all like pimples, swollen and ready to burst.

And I am not setting a good example, because raising my voice to settle him down to keep him from hurting Carter or something like that when he is in fra…

I Think God Has Better Things To Do On Sunday Than Watch Tim Tebow

There. I said it.

Now get over it.

I'm not anti-God. I'm not anti-Denver Broncos. I'm not anti-Tim Tebow.

Granted, I am a little tired of the whole 'Tebow-Time' craze, but like most things in this nation, it is just that, a craze, and it will pass. The truth is I don't really care much about it in the long term.

Nor do I begrudge Tebow's expressions of his Faith. In fact, I commend them. Any person is entitled to express his beliefs however he chooses. I have great respect for players like Kurt Warner and Troy Polamalu, both Christians, who openly express and talk about their Faith...and take shots from fans and players alike about it.

What I can't stomach are the flock who somehow suggest, or hint, that God is somehow on Tim Tebow's 'side' because of his Faith, and by 'on his side' they mean not that his Faith helps him NOT JUST in his day to day life like it does for you and me, the regular folk, but they say it in a way that sugg…

Got Fruit?

I missed a week of posting at Fruitless Pursuits. Swore I wasn't gonna let that happen since I 're-committed' myself. Actually was doing quite well, though not actually posting reminders here every week, I was still hitting it there, though they weren't always doubles or triples...they were mostly singles.

OK, bunt singles.

OK, OK...hit by pitch. But at least I was showing up to the plate.

And as usual...PLEASE BE CAUTIONED. I curse like a drunken pirate at port over there...I make no apologies for it. (And yes...I do mean WORSE than here!)

Thou hast been warned.



Been waiting for quite a while. Finally got some a day or two ago. I'm talking about snow obviously. Not 'some'. Of course, like 'some', it was not really quite enough and it didn't last all that long, but I'm not complaining.

I wonder if this means this winter we won't get much snow or we will get a late deluge? Guess I'll have to check the Almanac.

Thanks for the supposition and support and words of encouragement regarding Bennett's recent emotional roller coaster ride. Appreciate the commentary. I hope it is a sign of good things to come. I hope it is not a harbinger of something...not so good. I remain, with surprisingly little effort, cautiously optimistic.


This Is Damn Peculiar

OK, so I spent the last 24 hours or so beating myself to a pulp over yelling at my disabled son and causing him to cry. What's the big deal? I'll tell you.

As I explained earlier, he doesn't really cry all that much, never has. It takes an extreme amount of anything to get any kind of tears out of the boy, and even then it is nothing overly dramatic.

He came home from school today in a good mood, and everything went as expected. When Crystal, the Home Health Aide, had to take him out of my office away from my fan (he got in there because Carter had left the gate to the upstairs open), you are not going to believe what happened as she carried Bennett down the stairs.

Cue: Floodgates.

He had the exact same type of crying outburst that he had yesterday, and I spent the next ten minutes getting tears and snot on both shoulders of my shirt, just like yesterday. The only difference was, that today, unlike yesterday, I was not crying too.

I was perplexed, puzzled and confused.


And So I Did

Bennett is not a boy who really cries. Never has been.

It's uncanny really.

He's taken full headers jumping off of furniture and his parents have had their stomachs go up into their throats with fear and then he has stood up and just shaken it off. I have read a few things about kids with Autism and/or Brain Injuries who experience pain differently than we do. I believe it.

I also believe it to be true when it comes to emotions in general. He giggles or laughs at things that anyone else would, like farts, a perennial favorite, but he also begins laughing or giggling for no reason at all, at whatever performance he may see going on in his head.

Only he knows for sure.

Yesterday, I wrote about my fears that I was at a breaking point. Those fears were not just smoke and mirrors. Bennett threw something across the room at the tail end of a tantrum that was out of control and I yelled at him. And I mean really yelled at him.

I have a booming 'Discipline Voice', and when I …

I'm About to Lose It

As beautiful and warm and sweet as Heather's first blog of the year was for 2012 is, mine is...not going to be.

I don't know how she does it, to be honest. 347 kids in the house all at the same time? Unreal.

I've only got two, and right now they are driving me fuggin' crazy. Bennett goes back to school tomorrow. Carter the day after. Thank God too, because any longer and I might be jumping off my roof.

Scratch that. Since it was not built properly and leaks like the Titanic, it would likely not support my weight long enough for me to leap.

Bennett keeps repeating the word 'Asshide'. Which either means he really doesn't like me, or all he wants to do is get the Hell out of here. It's his word for 'Outside', which he REALLY wants to get to, but its cold, its windy, and I can't take him 'Asshide'.

Carter doesn't help a lot since he is bored, both his original X-Box (non 360) controllers are broken, I can't find replacements, he…