Showing posts from 2014

Sorta Silent Sunday: Not As Silent As Intended

WAY back when I started this Sunday thing, I had a follow-up immediately scheduled. I had it so because I knew that I would need it. At the time, there were lots of transitions in Casa de Lilly. I even have (or had, because I just killed that old Blogger Draft), the sentence 'Get used to lots of images and not a lot of words for a while...Trying to figure some things out.'

Funny, that.

Because after two months, it remains true. Though I fed the blog with nothing at all to be perfectly clear. No images. Nothing. But the part about trying to figure things out...that remains exactly the same, though my location has altered.

I sit here in a rented condo, living alone, separated from Jennifer, my wife of nearly twelve years who I've known for longer still, as the Dissolution of our marriage looms over the raging seas of my life like the coming of a storm. I will be talking about this in future posts, she is cool with me discussing aspects of it all. I just don't feel up t…

Sorta Silent Sunday: It's KINDA Silent, But Still Deadly

I say 'Sorta' because I need to explain what Sorta Silent Sunday will be. In my efforts to continue to build separate and unique, not sure what you call them...compartments, to the blog (and admittedly to finally, after months, to hit double digits in posts within a single month), this is another one of those types of regular things I'd like to try.

Here I'd like to just post some of the photos I've been taking lately, or maybe not even lately but maybe I managed to scan some material in and haven't really done much with it, and not bother with a lot of words. I not writing a lot of words seems rather alien. But like I said...this is me trying to find a new voice for this blog, while still talking about Bennett and his journey and the world that surrounds us.

Maybe new isn't the best term. Maybe refined is...better. Who knows? In any case, I have always tended to do my talking and thinking out loud in this space. This is no different. This round …

The Inside Of An...OMG!?!?

So you see some changes happening here. Along the side, along the top. Nothing major yet, just some refinements.

I am slowly trying to turn this ship around. There are so many things left to do. From the back going forward? By that I mean, from Post 1 moving toward today? Going from that point and restoring ALL the broken links to photos that are no longer there.

What happened?

I was an idiot and did not renew a URL that I should have. Needed the money, or to save it rather, and the hosting had to be cut. Figured I would spend some time relinking or just go back and get the URL, but some asshat bought the URL and like a bitch is squatting on it, wanting to get PAID to let it go. I...don't think so. Pappa don't play that game, son.

It does give me an opportunity to clean up old content in more ways than one. I can prep older posts for the newer feature called Wayback Machine, but I can also go in and maybe tweak some language if I want and re-configure some photos. I recently …

Lest I Forget Another

I forgot one anniversary this month, nearly forgot two others.

Been under a tremendous amount of stress. And no...not gonna be talking about this particular wave of stress. Gotta ride this one out somewhere other than here.

5 years ago today? Bennett had his head opened up and a tumor cut out. 15 years ago today? The lives of two people would be forever changed. One was mine.

The other? Jennifer, the woman who would one day become the mother of that very same boy. She met me for our very first date in a parking lot of a Meijer store after having encountered me in an online dating service and talking to me on the phone for around three weeks prior. The date moved elsewhere, I suppose that is noteworthy of mentioning. The parking lot was just a place to actually MEET. Neutral territory, as it were.

The rest, as they say, is history.


Wayback Machine: Kung Fu' Fightin'

Welcome to what will be the first of many 'new' segments on this blog. I'm hoping to roll them out over time, and then just integrate them as regular...I don't even know what you call them in the Blogoverse...features maybe? The goal here is to have sustained, repeated content that I can rely on. I want to get this thing cooking in my life again. Been going through a LOT of changes lately, and this is just one small part of it...getting back to doing things that make me happy.

This makes me happy.

Wayback Machine will be revisiting old blogs I have written. They may have been written here, or on other blogs that I used to partake in like Grey Matters, maybe further back like Made in China. Basically I turn back the clock and re-post, but also add in some new commentary or insight into said content.

What once was old is NEW again. Love it. Figured why not? Since I have to go in and fix a SHITLOAD of broken photo links since some asshat stole my old creatusmaximus URL w…

Dude...I Don't Know What To Say

I knew that this day would eventually come. It always does.

That day when you forget to honor someone's memory appropriately and you spend the next couple of weeks beating yourself up on the inside because of it. I have not mentioned the anniversary of Eddie's death on other year's in this blog, but I have always remembered it somewhere. Facebook, internally via some personal thing....SOMEWHERE.

This is the first year I fucking spaced and...did...NOTHING. And what makes me extremely sad and angry is this is the first year I see that on his Facebook page on August 12th? No one wrote anything. Not even me. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!! I want to cry and scream and break shit over my face.

EDIT: I need to make something very clear, as I saw something unfold on Facebook and I want to be very specific here. My frustrations over Eddie's page are all about me and my own forgetfulness. I know that everyone, especially Eddie's family, but everyone who knew Eddie, honor Eddi…

My Social Media Skills Are Lacking

Though my parenting skills, at least tonight, are FRIGGIN' AWESOME.

I should always launch everything from here, and I forget to. Oh well...I loaded this into YouTube, then linked it to Facebook, then remembered there are people here who are aware of my existence on neither.

I have NO concept of how to manage Social Media. At all.

Anyway...having a good time with Bennett tonight...he is having a good evening, and I am trying extra hard with him. It helps that there are minimal distractions around.

His ride home was a mess. Total mess. Which is weird. I thought tonight would be a waste because of it. But I found something that helped me move forward and give it a bigger than average second try and, well...let's say there are more movies than this, but I'm saving them. ;)


Clear with an Ever Present Danger

Just to get the news out there, disseminate it fast, yes Bennett's MRI was clean. No tumor regrowth.

And that creepy image up there isn't him. Weird though ain't it?

Getting the news that his MRI is clean? That's the part where I am supposed to celebrate. To high-five and say all the right things about how grateful I am. About how glorious God is for giving us more time with Bennett and celebrate His Wisdom and His Generosity. Here is the part where I am supposed to be jubilant. Reverant. Joyful.

This is the part where I fail everybody.  Where I disappoint. Everybody. God. My mother. My spouse. My friends. My kids. My neighbor down the street with the hideously ugly over-saturated lawn ornamentation. And myself.

I can't do those things. I can't BE those things.

Wanna be. I think. Sometimes. Maybe. Dunno.

I asked Jen a question during the drive home, kind of like Butch in Pulp Fiction. Strangely she answered much the same way Marsellus Wallus did. Though she h…

Journey to The Center of The Brain

I struggle all the time with trying to categorize things. Why I find this an overwhelming necessity in my life I am unsure.

Perhaps it is part of my own mental...issues. My desire to seek order in a world I find chaotic. Or maybe I just need to know where things are, or how they fit, since I never felt like I belonged when I was a kid growing up, either in Middle School or moving into Junior and Senior High.

I blended, I was one of those hybrid kids. Not quite geek, not quite popular, not totally ugly but not stud-muffin material either. But I was able to, like ze ninja, move quietly from one group to another, or at least this is what I told myself, and somehow I guess I made shit work well enough.

I blow it in all kinds of ways now though.

As a father, a husband, a friend. And a lot of it comes down to just not knowing who in the Hell I am anymore.Where DO I fit in? Where do any of us?

For so long now, I have always brushed aside so many aspects of Bennett's disabilities. And I …


Yes, I get tired of the butt stories. Trust me. I get tired of telling the butt stories. I especially get tired of the people who find this blog by keyword searches involving the word butt and various other words related to that word. And other less...subtle...words. Oh yeah, I know you're there you creepy perverts. I've seen the analytics. I've seen the keyword searches that lead you freaks to this place.

You fucking weirdos. Go back to your sex dungeons and rub Nutello on your pierced Iguana. Of course, we WANT to believe that right? Truth is, it's probably someone more like our CEO or our 3rd grade teachers doing the searching. THAT is truly more frightening than anything your imagination can conjure up.

But my freakish medical Hell continues, and since like Maximus Decimus Meridius I am compelled to entertain, why not share these fun stories with my Imaginary Friends? Lord knows, I don't have any real ones left. You wouldn't either if you walked…