Showing posts from January, 2015


Do you ever lay in bed after a particularly difficult day and wonder how the hell you made it through the entire thing....and then feel like an asshole because no one was shooting at you, no one had their heart beating in your hands while you attempted to save a life, you didn't spend the afternoon exhausted by attempting to discover the cure for a degenerative disease?

It was just you and your insignificant, mediocre life and the stupid bullshit that you let drag you down into places you have no business being? Anybody? That happen to you?

Just curious...never happens to me, I just wonder what that must be like. ;)

Of course...I do wonder how I am going to feel tomorrow after Bennett's Quarterly Review. No wonder I can't sleep. Why these are scheduled in the early hours of the morning is beyond me. Especially since we schedule them. Not enough time for morning coffee, full routine disruption. End result?

4-5 days of constipation meets Butt. After 6 years of effort and ho…


A long time ago, somewhere around 2009 or so, I gave up smoking. I'm no quitter, but I figured, what the Hell, it was time. Especially when my then 3 or so year old son Carter caught me puffing away on a Marlboro Menthol in the garage (I never smoked in the house) and said 'Hey Daddy, when I grow up? I am gonna smoke JUST LIKE YOU!!!'

Yeah, like I don't ride on the Guilt Train enough to have tickets to spare.

So I gave up the sticks, and soon after? Decided to give up Diet Coke, another of the Great Evils of the World that was giving me a problem. I'd stopped with the sugary shit, but the carbonated, caffeine-filled conundrum of that canned concoction had me by the cojones, and I was pounding them by the half-dozen a day or more, while still having the morning coffee, the afternoon espresso, and anything else with caffeine in it.

So that had to go.

After that it was ANYTHING that had Aspartame, Saccharine, Splenda, or anything or an artificial type nature in it. I…

Are You There God? It's Me...blogzilly.

How's it going? Been a while. Figured I would write. Miss me?

I should look to you more often than I do for answers. What can I say? That's easier said than done. Especially for me. Instead of throwing my sinful ass at your feet I try to look for a loophole and I seek answers on the Internet. Yeah I know...I don't know why I do it either. They aren't easy to find there. More often than not I spend a great deal of time cycling through various links only to come to a sudden and disheartening halt and an inevitable 'Page Not Found'.

That or I find websites that make me a lot less worthy to be carrying on conversations with you. I don't spend TOO much time there.

My spiritual bypassing makes my current emotional predicament much harder than it already is.

And I clearly need the help, because small triggers can put me in a bad place. I remember when I moved into an apartment on my own during my recent separation, I would sometimes, in the afternoon, find myse…

Could Money Buy Me Happiness?

Tricky question. And one that was posed on my friend Jerry Macaluso's Facebook page a short while ago. Specifically he said 'Can money buy happiness? Give me more than a yes or no. Explain why your answer using logic and facts.'

Ha. Logic and Facts. Me. Too funny.

I'll just call it like I see it and hope for the best.

And oh yeah...hi. Been a while. More on that later. I'll have to just play slow catch up. And figure out if I still feel like doing this as I go along.

But back to Jerry's question. Money, and by money I mean Shitloads of It Via Quantities of Sickening Numbers, could help set up deterrents that would ease much of the stress that occur in the daily life of our Special Needs House. But all the money in the world won't make Bennett normal again. Ever. That ship sailed.

I could possibly get to a place of feeling a lot happier seeing him get better overall managed care, better resources, better opportunities, which might free me up to create some…